


Neighbourhood drama

by vala411



Series: Domestic Hiccstrid [2]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26090899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vala411/pseuds/vala411
Summary: Living in the suburbs was supposed to be peaceful. Hiccup and Astrid discover otherwise.
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson
Series: Domestic Hiccstrid [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2185482
Comments: 26
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

In the suburbs of Berk, in one of the many cul de sacs, Astrid and Hiccup were just starting their day after the kids had gone to school.

“Mrs. Ortiz was giving me the stink eye again today,” Astrid grumbled as she read the newspaper on her tablet while Hiccup was flipping pancakes in the kitchen while wearing a ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron. It had been a long-established rule in the house that Astrid wasn’t allowed anywhere near the stove, the BBQ grill and the firepit with any sort of food item.

Hiccup hummed to let her know he had heard her and Astrid continued. “Can you believe her? She’s been on my case ever since we moved in just because I turned down her offer to work as her assistant on the PTA. Apparently she’s never been denied before,”

“Astrid be nice,” Hiccup sighed.

“No, I’m serious. That’s what she said to me. How dare you! I’ve never been denied before!” Astrid made a motion in the air before going back to her reading and coffee. “I swear, her PTA group is more of a gossip group where they bitch on their husbands and the rest of the parents living in this neighbourhood. Like I’d ever want to be a part of that.”

“Language!” Hiccup said out of habit which only caused his wife to roll her eyes.

“Hiccup darling, the kids aren’t here. It’s not summer vacation anymore…… thank Thor.” Astrid muttered. “Did you know we actually saved up a whole month of income with the swear jar?”

“Gee I wonder how….” Hiccup gave his wife a pointed stare while he held a plate of fluffy pancakes drizzled in syrup and whipped cream.

“Gimme!” Astrid looked absolutely giddy at the breakfast Hiccup had prepared for her. “I’m going to need all that sugar for the meetings I have today. You are so lucky to be able to work from home,”

“So you never said. What was Mrs Ortiz’s problem this time?” Hiccup who had flopped several pancakes on his own plate asked with a frown.

“Oh, it was just her nitpicking again.” Astrid said between bites. “She was apparently scandelized that Zephyr and Nuffink waked to the bus stop without me. Apparently they have to be accompanied by a parent or one of us has to drive them to school.”

“Isn’t the bus stop right around the corner?” Hiccup asked with a frown.

“I know….” Astrid made another exaggerated motion. “In other countries children younger than Zephyr even take the train by themselves to go to school. So long as you teach them properly on how to use it and what dangers to look out for there is nothing to worry about.”

“And you told her that?” Hiccup asked.

“Well….”

“Astrid…..”

“Okay…. So…..” Astrid muttered “Before I said all that I asked her if the dinosaurs walked her to the school bus when she was a kid.” Hiccup actually choked on his pancake then and Astrid had to pat him on the back. Her phone alarm sounded and she looked at the time. Her eyes widened and she realized she was going to be late if she didn’t leave in the next five minutes.

“Honey I got to go,” She told Hiccup while giving him a kiss on his cheek. Astrid had only eaten half her pancakes so instead of wasting them she grabbed some aluminum foil and wrapped the whole plate and fork up, picked up her thermos and hightailed it, pancakes and all, to her Range Rover parked in the driveway.

Hiccup blinked for a moment before shouting “Bring this plate back intact honey!”

Hiccup was alone in the house until the kids came back from school so he set off to work in his office upstairs after finishing his breakfast and cleaning up. It was mostly quite as Hiccup worked, his start-up architectural business had actually received some enthusiastic clients. So he was finishing up the designs for one of them when he looked out the window and raised a brow.

He picked up his phone and video called Astrid. “Hi Hiccup,” Astrid answered as she was just coming into her office from what seemed to be an exhausting meeting.

“Everything alright hon?” Hiccup asked. He knew Astrid worked for a marketing firm and things could get competitive but she seemed a bit more stressed than usual.

“Everything is just peachy,” She ground out as she deposited her bag on the desk and slumped in her comfy office chair. “You usually call during my lunch break, did something happen with the kids? Did Nuffink climb the flagpole again? Did Zephyr get sent to the office?”

“No no, the kids are fine. Haven’t heard a peep from them or any disgruntled teacher today,” Hiccup quickly said. “Did you know the neighbours are moving?”

“Whose neighbours? Our neighbours?!” Astrid asked as she leaned forward towards her phone in shock. The cul de sac had four houses. Hiccup and Astrid lived in the third house from the left and were blessed to only have only next door neighbours on one side. A lovely middle aged couple with a son in college. The house directly opposite of them belonged to the Ortiz’s and the one next to that was recently sold. Hiccup and Astrid had heard it was bought by an out of state couple that would be moving in within a few months.

“It certainly isn’t Mrs. Ortiz moving,” Hiccup stated.

“Oh Thor no!” Astrid exclaimed and then stood up only to pace in her office.

“Hiccup what are we going to do?!” She asked.

“What?” Hiccup asked in confusion.

“Hiccup, honey, our neighbours are moving.”

“So?” Hiccup answered as he didn’t know what his wife was getting at.

“So??? Do you know how long it takes to break in new neighbours?!”

“Uhm…..” Hiccup mumbled but his wife continued “These ones finally got used to our quirky family! Your late night tinkering, Nuffink and his trampoline stunts, Zephyr and her cricket obsession and lets not forget the slip and slide incident!”

“Uhm……”

“Hiccup! Our neighbours don’t call the cops anymore because I tried to cook something and it went wrong!” Astrid gestured as she had put the phone to lean against something. “Heck, they aren’t even phased by the fire department visiting now!”

“Well yeah…..”

“Imagine explaining all this to new neighbours again,” She stated.

“Astrid are you planning on cooking again?!” Hiccup questioned.

“Nooooo……”

“Astrid…..”

“Okay Okay, I was thinking of making cupcakes to smooth things over with Mrs. Ortiz and her merry band of gossiping banshees. I don’t want her taking this out on the kids,” Astrid revealed which caused her husband to groan.

“Astrid I will not be part of mass murder. If you need cupcakes I will make them for you.” Hiccup muttered.

“Also babe, maybe it isn’t even our antics that got the neighbours to move.” Hiccup suggested.

“I just don’t want to break in new neighbours. Think of all the schmoozing and bribing we’d have to do,” Astrid sighed. “Do you really want to attend another block party? Those single mothers were eyeing you like a piece of lambchop!”

Hiccup shuddered at that experience while Astrid continued “I literally had to pry one of them off you even when you told her you were married. Now we have something like a cold war feud going on.”

“Honey, babe… I mean, maybe new neighbours aren’t so bad.” Hiccup suggested.

“Honey, if any new neighbour is a cougar with her eyes set on you I will take my axe and……”

“Agh… I get it, I get it!” Hiccup quickly said just as he was getting another call. Hiccup frowned as he noticed the number. “Maybe we celebrated too soon.”

“What?” Astrid asked as she could hear the ringing from Hiccup’s side as well through the microphone.

“Honey, it’s Zephyr’s school calling. I’m gonna need to take this. We’ll talk later about the new situation alright….” Hiccup hung up after Astrid gave a reluctant goodbye and answered the other call.

“Hiccup Haddock speaking….”

“Yes, I’m her father….”

“I’m sorry…… she did what?!”

**The End?**   
**Encore?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Hiccup tapped the steering wheel of his car as he had just parked outside of the elementary school both Zephyr and Nuffink were attending. All seemed quiet, he noted. No missing walls or ambulances so he frowned at why he got a call from the office about his daughter. Taking a deep breath he got out of the car and headed towards the building.

The corridors were empty save for the janitor and one or two teachers or office staff heading to their destinations. Due to his children’’ mischief, he already knew the way to the office by heart. Outside the familiar door he found Zephyr sitting. She was dangling her legs over the bench and kept her head down while she waited.

“Hey princess,” Hiccup said, which immediately got the little girl’s attention.

“Daddy!” Zephyr proclaimed before hopping off the bench and running towards him, enveloping his legs in a hug. She looked up a few seconds later and asked “Why are you here?”

“Because the school called?” Hiccup asked more than stated and then frowned.

“Why couldn’t mommy come?” Zephyr then asked with such an innocent face that Hiccup had to do a double-take.

“Because mommy is working,”

“She’d have torn them a new one,” His daughter proclaimed before looking down again.

“Zephyr, honey...” Hiccup frowned. “Mommy should not use violence.” he then shrugged slightly “Well…... we all pray to Thor that she won’t resort to violence,” He relented because really, nothing stopped Astrid from going ham on a person that wronged her or her family. It was one of the reasons they had moved to the suburbs after all, their previous landlord, douchebag that he was, was still traumatized last hiccup heard. “And also, what’s wrong with me handling this?!” he finally asked as he realized that his daughter had hoped for Astrid to come to the school.

“Nothing…..” Zephyr pouted. “You’re just too soft.”

“I’m not soft!” Hiccup proclaimed but the look his own daughter shot him spoke volumes. “Come on let’s go inside and find out what this is all about.”

Once Hiccup and Zephyr entered the office the secretary gestured for them to go see the Vice-Principal. “He doesn’t like me much daddy, just so you know.” Zephyr said in a soft voice.

“What?” Hiccup asked with a frown but the Vice-Principal greeted him just as the door opened.

“Ah Mr. Haddock, so glad you could come down.” The man, who’s nameplate on his desk read Mr. Sanderson, said. He wasn’t a tall man, probably came up to Hiccup’s shoulder. The Vice-Principal was also beginning to show signs of balding while wearing what his wife would have dubbed a hideous tweed jacket. “And Mrs. Haddock…. won’t be joining us today?” there was a slight pause in the man’s question as if he was already familiar with Astrid’s temper. ‘Interesting’ Hiccup thought.

“My wife is swamped with work. So it’s just me,” Hiccup stated as he noticed the man looking rather relieved then.

“Well… uhm.. The reason I called you here today is to discuss your daughter’s attitude. There have been complaints and today I fear she may be suspended for violence.” The man said once Hiccup and Zephyr sat down.

“Excuse me?!” Hiccup near shouted as he looked at the Vice-Principal and then at his daughter who seemed to be glaring at the man. “Zephyr wouldn’t hurt a fly if she wasn’t provoked! What brought this on?!”

“I’ve received reports over the past few weeks since the new school year started and your daughter has displayed a less than stellar attitude,” The man stated. “She seems to be rude to her classmates, talking back to her teachers, and now she’s been brought to my office for fighting during recess. We here at Berk Elementary have a zero-tolerance policy for fighting….”

“I wasn’t fighting!” Zephyr piped up while standing up and clenching her little fists.

“Zephyr!” Hiccup turned and motioned for her to sit down. “Calm down.”

“But I wasn’t fighting dad! I really wasn’t!” She insisted “I told him all this but he just doesn’t want to believe me just like he didn’t want to believe me when school first started!”

“What did you mean when school first started?” Hiccup then turned to Mr. Sanderson and stated “I’m sure there is a logical explanation for all this.”

“The reports I received say otherwise.” The man insisted. “Your child clearly has an attitude problem.”

“Now hold on here. Let’s be reasonable. There are two sides to every story,” Hiccup protested. “You need to hear my daughter out before you decide anything,”

“Zephyr I want you to tell us everything that happened when I ask you about these things you’re accused of. Mr. Sanderson will listen to it all.” Hiccup said and his daughter nodded.

“Mr. Haddock that’s hardly….” The man began to say but Hiccup turned towards him so fast and leveled a glare that could stop the children when he was mad. Zephyr wasn’t the recipient of the glare but even she sat up straighter. “You will not decide anything until you hear her side. Wouldn’t you agree that it will only be fair once you are wholly informed?” Hiccup stated in his normal voice but there was an edge to it.

The Vice-Principal gulped as he had clearly underestimated Zephyr’s father. During parent-teacher conferences it was always Mrs. Haddock that could command a room and Mr. Haddock seemed more than happy to let her take the reins. He had never seen the man as anything but the doting parent of the pair so now that the glare was leveled at him he gulped hard.

Now Hiccup asked his daughter, “Let’s start with what you mentioned. What happened at the beginning of the school year?”

“He drives a big red car,” Zephyr pointed at Mr. Sanderson while continuing “Some older students thought it would be funny to egg it.”

“And how come he blamed you?”

“Nuff and I were getting off the bus and I stepped onto some eggshells,” Zephyr informed her father. “They got stuck in my shoe,” She lifted up one of her feet to show off her blue and red sneakers. I was getting it off ‘cause eggs are yucky and he started screaming at me!”

Mr. Sanderson sputtered as Hiccup muttered “Clearly the man didn’t see you do anything. Go on princess. Now what is this about talking back to the teachers?”

“I didn’t talk back, really dad.” She sighed. “Ms. Griselda was telling us about the 4th grade spelling bee that we could take part in and she each had us spell a word.”

“Uhuh,” Hiccup nodded as Zephyr continued. “She asked me how I would spell ‘peculiar’ and I answered P-E-C-K-U-L-A-R. But then she said that was wrong. I just replied, but you asked me how I spelled it.”

Hiccup actually facepalmed here and turned his head away to hide a laugh that was threatening to break. He then turned back to Mr. Sanderson and said “Technically she wasn’t wrong.”

The Vice-Principal just groaned but allowed the girl to continue. “But you were still rude to your classmates.”

“They were rude to me first!” Zephyr defended. “Why should I be nice to rude people? Mom always says….”

“Zephyr Zephyr…. Just what happened?” Hiccup asked hoping that she wouldn’t say anything about Astrid’s advice, especially after she said in 2nd grade that she knew how to do a chokehold because mommy taught her.

“There are these three mean girls in my class,” Zephyr muttered while pouting and dangling her legs a bit. “They weren’t always mean. On the first day they wanted to be friends with me but on the 2nd day they said I was a loser and mocked me. They say a lot of rude things to others too but no one stops them,”

“I’m not going to ask names right now honey but what happened?” Hiccup asked with a frown. He’d later ask who these girls were and have a serious talk with their parents.

“We were having math class and I got an answer right…… then… then one of the girls said I shouldn’t act smug. But I wasn’t, I just answered the question the teacher asked.” Zephyr said. “I retorted but then I got yelled at but not the other girl.”

“And the fighting?” Hiccup came to the crux of why he had been called down.

“I wasn’t fighting,” Zephyr insisted. “There’s this boy….”

“Zephyr you are too young,” Hiccup immediately said as he sucked in a breath. If his daughter was already thinking about boys at this age he might just have to let Astrid get the axe out again.

“Not like that dad! EEEEEW! Boys have cooties!” She vehemently declared and Hiccup mentally sighed in relief.

“This boy, he’s a grade higher than me kept bothering me,” She muttered. “I was on the swing during recess when he yanked my pigtails from behind. I fell backwards and he was just standing there laughing. I asked him to stop twice but he just kept yanking them so I pushed him off of me and then the teacher saw that and yelled at me for fighting.”

“You should have called for a teacher if he was bothering you young lady,” Mr. Sanderson said admonishingly.

“I did!” Zephyr stated as she looked the man in the eye. “He bothered me before. I told teachers but they just ignored it! You can ask Mr. Grimmel and Mr. Alvin!”

“Zephyr get your bookbag. We’re leaving and you’re getting ice cream,” Hiccup said as he stood up once he heard what his daughter had to say while Mr. Sanderson just sputtered out an “E-Excuse me?!”

“This meeting is done. I’ve heard all I needed to.” Hiccup said as he took Zephyr’s hand after she shrugged her backpack back on.

“This meeting isn’t over yet! She still needs to be punished for fighting!” The man had the gall to say.

“For defending herself,” Hiccup corrected as he stared the Vice-Principal down. “My daughter defended herself after the teachers who were supposed to look out for her did a piss poor job.”

“Daddy that’s a bad word!”

“Don’t tell your mother,” Hiccup quickly said before he rounded on the man again. “She went to the adults, they didn’t help. She was being bullied and you expect her to just sit there and take it while that boy harasses her?! I don’t see that boy waiting here in the office. He clearly didn’t get in trouble and facing the same suspension you threatened my daughter with. It takes two to tango Mr. Sanderson. If Zephyr is in trouble then so is that boy otherwise you have no reason to dole out punishments.”

“You go dad!” Zephyr says with a smile.

“Now, since the school day is almost done, I will be picking up my son and treating both of them to ice cream.” Hiccup said with finality and then turned to his daughter “Remind me when we get home that I teach you how to throw a punch. Next time that boy harasses you you punch him in the eye.”

The Vice-Principal was left gaping as Hiccup and his daughter left his office. The little girl’s voice could be heard outside as she told her father he was the best dad ever.

**AN: I think this plot might have just taken off. I have no clue where this story is going so I'm just going to roll with it. The fic itself might be around 10 to 15 chapters long, depending on how murderous Astrid gets. it's always fun when even the author doesn't know what will happen!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

“And then….. And then daddy said….” Zephyr babbled happily at dinner which consisted of spaghetti and meatballs with copious amounts of mozzarella. Hiccup had whipped up something quick for tonight since he had to catch up on some work after getting home with the kids and Astrid was groaning and kicking off her heels dramatically when she came through the door.

Their daughter was retelling the office visit while a meatball was speared on her fork. She was waving the utensil around like a sword and Hiccup grimaced. The worst-case scenario was that that meatball flew off the fork and landed someplace it shouldn’t, like Astrid’s new drapes or the carpet…. Or someone’s hair. Oh, he’d never hear the end of it then.

“Eat your food Zephyr,” Astrid told her as she too seemed to be eyeing the rebellious meatball and Hiccup sighed in relief that he didn’t have to clean up pasta stains again. Those were hard to get out of good carpeting.

“Nuff you’ve been quiet, how was school?” Astrid asked as she eyed her son who was being picky about his food. All of the mushrooms seemed to be pushed to one side and she frowned. Nuffink had an aversion to mushrooms ever since he saw that National geographic documentary on them.

“Was fine…” The boy mumbled before biting into a meatball. Normally Nuffink was a ball of energy and loved telling her all about his day so Astrid frowned.

“Honey, did something happen?” Astrid asked while still sporting the frown.

“No, but my teacher wants to talk to you,” Nuffink admitted and then sighed. “She didn’t listen when I said no,”

“Said no to what honey bunches?” Astrid then asked as she and Hiccup shared a worried look.

“She says she’s going to ask the Principal if I can skip a grade,” The boy finally explained.

“But that’s great to hear sweetie. It means you’re very smart,” Astrid looked happy but Nuffink didn't, Hiccup noted.

“But I don’t wanna!” Nuffink near whined. “I don’t wanna skip a grade!”

“Why?” Hiccup asked as he looked at his son while Zephyr rolled her eyes at her brother for whining.

“I just don’t wanna!” The boy said nothing to explain this even when Astrid asked afterwards. Dinner was mostly silent after that and the kids went to play a bit before they had to go to bed.

Astrid was doing the dishes while Hiccup searched for a show they could watch on Netflix that night when she was reminded of something. “Hiccup, we got some mail today,”

“Huh?” Hiccup popped back into the kitchen as Astrid told him to look next to her purse which was on the smaller sofa in the living room.

“I completely forgot about it. It was in our mailbox when I got home,” She added as Hiccup opened up the official-looking letter.

“It’s them again,” He told Astrid and frowned. The mailman came in the mornings and when he came back with the kids there was no mail so it must have been placed there afterwards.

“The HOA again?” Astrid asked as she hadn’t read it yet.

“Yup,” Hiccup answered. “You’d think they would stop after my last email to them explaining it.”

“So what’s it about this time?” Astrid asked as she put the last dish on the drying rack. “They’ve already nitpicked at the yard and fence and our cars in the driveway.”

“It’s a list of fines,” Hiccup groaned as he handed the letter to Astrid. “I’ll email them again tomorrow. You’d think they’d have better administration to rectify this.”

“This situation shouldn’t even need rectifying. It shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I mean just look at this,” Astrid smacked the letter with the back of her palm to emphasize the ludicrous fines. “Not approved exterior house color, visible trash cans….. On thrash day!, oh this one is a doozy,” She muttered “Postal box not having the right dimensions, non-approved plants around the house……. Did they really just criticize my Begonias!” Hiccup took a step back as his wife looked rather upset now. Her look was usually followed by her murdering something…. Preferably the punching bag in the basement gym.

Astrid came to the end of the letter or rather list and her eyes widened. “Honey, get my axe out of the linen closet,” Hiccup gulped as Astrid didn’t just look mad anymore, she looked downright furious.

“Astrid, maybe you need to calm down. What could be so bad?”

“They fined our children for playing outside!” Astrid growled. “How dare those mulch-licking-scum-buckets! I’ll teach them a lesson! If they so much as look at my babies wrong!” Astrid was heaving now while Hiccup read the part she had pointed to in her rant and indeed, there was an actual fine there about the kids playing on either the sidewalk or in the yard where the tire swing was. The swing itself was also labeled as not-approved.

The letter sort of put a damper on their plans for the night and Astrid went to bed muttering about mulch-buckets and addle minded HOA spies. She was also not happy that Hiccup confiscated the axe she had been sharpening after furiously throwing down the letter on the kitchen table. At least Hiccup promised to email and call them this time as she would just end up screaming profanities at them.

Come morning the family of four was in a hurry. Nuffink hadn’t wanted to get up and was imitating a starfish on his bed after Hiccup yanked the covers away, Zephyr was having a bad hair day and couldn’t decide on which scrunchy to wear. While Hiccup was getting the kids ready he heard his wife curse as she saw that the heel of her shoe had broken. This caused another delay as Astrid got a new pair of shoes but those shoes didn’t match her business attire, which led to a change of clothes. The kids were late and missed the bus, Astrid was late and Hiccup hadn’t packed the lunches yet. It was like Murphy’s law was out to get them and on top of that they ran out of cereal.

Hectic didn’t even describe it as Hiccup piled everyone into his SUV. Astrid had been adamant that she could just drive to work herself but she was silenced when Hiccup stuck a microwaved waffle in her mouth. Zephyr laughed at the affronted look her mom gave her dad and she quickly checked her bag for all her school supplies before they left the driveway. Hectic days like this meant that Hiccup was not turning the car around.

As the Haddock’s left the driveway Hiccup noted that Mrs. Ortiz was once again spying on them from her window like the nosey neighbour she was. He paid her no more mind as he told the kids to buckle up. Astrid was eating the waffle with one hand while rifling through her purse as they got on the highway. She handed each of the kids lunch money and told them in no uncertain terms to not spend it on candy. They had enough at home.

“Hiccup watch out for that car in the next lane,” Astrid said and her husband nodded. She was a bit of a backseat driver but to be fair Hiccup was skirting along the speed limit right now. “I’m not looking forward to today,” She muttered..

“Why is that?” Hiccup asked as he checked the rearview mirror to check the traffic and to see if the kids were behaving. Nuffink was half asleep while Zephyr was playing a game, probably Flappy bird, on the phone he’d gotten her during the summer. It wasn’t an expensive smartphone but Zephyr seemed to love it as it was her first.

“You know I’m up for a promotion at work but so is another coworker of mine,” Astrid sighed. “And frankly, he’s a douche. I’m convinced he stole one of my ideas.”

“Oh?” Hiccup asked as he took the next exit.

“The meeting yesterday was to pitch ideas and ours were near identical.” Astrid frowned. “I’d have been a shoe in for the promotion if not for that. Now the director wants us to do another project. Best idea gets the promotion.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll win it.” Hiccup said as they were nearing the Elementary school.

“I know I can get the job. I just want to make sure that this guy doesn’t try anything.” Astrid huffed. “You know he started later than me and the first thing he said when we met was asking me to get him a cup of coffee before the meeting started. He even called me sweet thing.” She rolled her eyes “I should have reported him to HR but I guess I thought he might just be nervous you know. First few weeks on the job. Heck, I was a nervous wreck when I started. Remember I spilled tea on my manager’s shirt then, so I gave the benefit of the doubt.”

The kids hopped out and Astrid and Hiccup waved at them as they rushed inside just as the bell rang. They left the school soon after and Astrid was telling Hiccup about the advertising project she had to do for the promotion.

“Astrid are you serious?” Hiccup’s eyes widened when he heard the name brand.

“Oh yeah,” Astrid smirked, “it’s for their new line of running shoes.”

Hiccup noted that his wife looked like the cat who got the cream all through the ride to her office. She was late but was rather chipper as she had told Hiccup all about her ideas for the commercial. He’d responded back with what he thought would be realistic and what not and by the time Astrid arrived at her destination she had a whole lot to plan.

“Hiccup are you alright with picking me up later?” Astrid asked. It was Thursday and she got off early at work on Thursdays, mainly to take Zephyr to ballet class. Hiccup had late skype meetings on Thursdays with clients in China ever since his new project took off so he couldn’t always bring Zephyr and watch Nuffink during that time.

“Yeah, I’m going to visit mom and dad today before doing some grocery shopping.” Hiccup told her. “Do you want me to take that shoe of yours to the shoemaker?”

Astrid shook her head. Hiccup was a good stay at home dad but even he could get overworked. She would take the shoe herself on the weekend along with the kids so he could have some rest.

Around three o’clock Hiccup picked up the kids and Astrid. The SUV was ladened with groceries and Zephyr made a face as the frozen broccoli that was sticking out of one of the bags.

“I saw that!” Hiccup said.

“Dad, why did you buy broccoli!” Zephyr groaned. “I like the frozen peas better.”

“We are not having the broccoli-peas discussion again!” Hiccup admonished. “Peas don’t work well in Alfredo sauce anyways.”

Zephyr huffed but said nothing else. She’d rather eat her dad’s cooking than her mom’s any day even if it contained broccoli.

“Zephyr grab your ballet bag when we get home. I want to drop you off a little bit early.” Astrid told her as they were turning the corner into the cul de sac.

“You just don’t want to get into it with Angela’s mom,” Zephyr huffed.

“I did not get into it with Angela’s mom,” Astrid replied while Hiccup gave her a look. This was news to him. “We just had a difference in opinion.”

They got closer to their house and Astrid frowned at the pick up that was parked in front of their driveway. “What the….” She asked and then stuck her head out the window to get a better look as Hiccup parked on the street.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” Astrid exclaimed as she saw several men in her yard working on the lawn. Her begonias were being dug up and their postbox had been sawed off its post.

“Stay here,” Astrid told her kids as she stepped out of the car. Hiccup followed after her as he watched his wife march up to the men.

“JUST WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” Astrid asked as her eyes narrowed. “You lot have no right to be here! I want everything back the way it was originally!”

Zephyr and Nuffink were watching out the car window as their mother yelled at the smarmy man that had approached her. “I don’t think she likes him.” Nuffink commented. He couldn’t understand all that was happening but he did see the man shrink back.

“Gee, ya think?” Zephyr said as she noticed her mother getting more and more agitated while her father tried to calm her down. It didn’t work as expected and she saw her mom pick up the sawed-off postbox before swinging it at the man.

“WE’RE NOT EVEN PART OF YOUR DAMN HOA!” Astrid could be heard screaming as the man ducked for his life. “YOUR SUB-DIVISION ENDS BEFORE OUR PROPERTY LINE! HOW DARE YOU EVEN COME INTO OUR YARD!”

“AAAAH!” The HOA person yelled as he ducked and scrambled to avoid the woman. The work crew was looking at the whole scenario with widened eyes while Nuffink commented “Wow, mom’s gone postal.”

Zephyr smacked her brother on the head and muttered something about it not being the time for puns. She saw her dad try to calm mom down but he had to duck as Astrid kept swinging their mailbox.

“HONEY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THOR CALM DOWN! THE SHERIFF AND THE DEPUTIES ARE ALREADY SCARED OF YOU!” Hiccup exclaimed as Astrid chased after the man.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It was a week after the HOA incident. Astrid had been very vocal as she chased the man down. The Sheriff had to come down personally seeing as they were dealing with Astrid and de-escalate the situation, though he agreed with her that she had every right to chase the strangers from her private property. The fact that Hiccup had emailed and called the HOA before added more fuel to the fire. Since the couple’s property was not part of the HOA they had a pretty good case against them. Astrid had still been contemplating suing them for damages and the smarmy man had blanched. Instead, she cut a deal with them since her plants could still be saved. The HOA would pay for the landscaping crew to replace her begonias and their postbox and any other damage done and she would forget the matter of pressing charges as long as they left her family alone afterwards. Hiccup really owed Sheriff Eretson for speeding the process along. He’d have to bake the man a pie.

That weekend and the weekdays after passed like a whirlwind. Cooking, meetings, helping with homework….. The week was such a blur for Hiccup and Astrid. On the friday night they had finally gotten the kids to bed and then flopped onto their own bed they were about ready to pass out. Thank Thor it was Saturday the next day. Whomever said parenting was easy obviously hadn’t met their kids. Hiccup yawned as his head was still filled with the math homework he had helped Zephyr with while Astrid had a smudge of paint on her cheek from finger painting with Nuffink. The couple was snuggling together on the bed and when Hiccup looked down he noticed Astrid had fallen asleep.

The following Saturday morning found both Hiccup and Astrid still blissfully asleep as two pairs of eyes peered at them from a crack in the door.

“Should we wake them?” Nuffink asked while clutching a stuffed dragon. Zephyr took another look again but then shook her head.

“But I’m hungry,” Nuffink mumbled.

“We have cereal,” She told her little brother. “I’m a big girl, I can pour it.”

Nuffink followed Zephyr to the kitchen where the girl managed to take a box labeled ‘CoCoPuffs’ She put it on the table where Nuffink sat and went to grab two bowls and spoons. Once the bowls were filled with cereal, with minimum spillage, she opened the refrigerator to look for milk. Zephyr scrunched up her nose as she spotted two containers of milk on the highest shelf.

As she tried to reach for one she realized she was too short and pouted. But that was quickly remedied by her dragging one of the chairs towards the open fridge. Picking up the carton they always used for cereal she frowned as it was quite light. It would probably only fill one bowl, maybe even half a bowl. Without thinking much about it she also took the other carton of milk from the refrigerator. It was the one mommy always used for her coffee so it should be good….. Right?

Zephyr had been right about the milk not being enough to fill a bowl so she poured mommy’s milk into it as well. Then she poured one for herself. Nuffink took a bite of his cereal and then covered his mouth with his hand while turning a slight shade of green.

Zephyr took a bite of her own cereal and frowned. Sure it tasted a bit different but it was quite sweet. Looking at her little brother she wondered if she probably shouldn’t have mixed the two kinds of milk.

“This tastes nasty!” Nuffink confirmed while pushing the bowl away from him. Zephyr frowned as she didn’t get it. Milk was milk…. Right? A bit hesitantly she tried the cereal from her brother’s bowl and grimaced. Apparently milk was not milk. Especially not mixed like this. The cartons were still on the table and she finally read what the labels said. The milk they always used for cereal was called whole milk while mommy’s coffee milk was called coconut milk. Zephyr frowned for a minute as she was confused. Coconuts had milk? They weren’t like cows were they? She’d have to ask mommy.

With the aftertaste still in her mouth she made a new bowl for Nuffink, only using the coconut milk this time. That tasted okay for her so all she had to do was avoid mixing different kinds of milk. Nuffink ate that even if it was very sweet tasting and once breakfast was done the boy asked “So what now?”

Zephyr shrugged. She didn’t know. Usually dad was awake and after breakfast he’d play with them. Maybe even watch some cartoons. She and Nuffink could watch cartoons but that usually led to fighting as they didn’t like the cartoons the other watched. Nuffink liked things like She-Ra but Zephyr didn’t like it. She was more into the Hot Wheels cartoons which her brother found boring. She remembered hitting her brother with a pillow a couple of nights ago when he said all they did was drive cars.

“Laundry!” Zephyr suddenly said as Nuffink gave her a strange look. “We can do laundry to surprise mommy.” Nuffink frowned more. It all sounded like chores to him. Saturday Astrid usually did the laundry and the kids sometimes helped but as their parents were sleeping they got the bright idea to do it themselves.

“Come on! Zephyr dragged her brother along to the washroom where the hamper was located. Mommy had shown her how to use the machine. It wasn’t hard at all. Meanwhile, Nuffink whined as he got dragged along. Once the kids opened the hamper they saw a whole bunch of dirty clothes. “Mom and dad will be happy if we do this,” Zephyr said as she started pulling out clothes.

“How do you know?” Nuffink asked as he finally put his stuffed dragon down.

“They're still sleeping right so they must be tired,” Zephyr stated. “If we do this for them then they have to do one last thing.”

“I guess……” Nuffink muttered.

The pile of clothes on the floor got bigger and bigger. Nuffink reached in and pulled out a bright pink article of clothing. “What’s this?” He asked as he held it up for his big sis to see.

“Mommy’s thingy,” Zephyr shrugged. She had seen her mom put it on at times. She knew where it went though she didn’t know of it’s full purpose. It went into the pile of clothing as everything else.

Zephyr was a big girl She knew how to operate the washer and dryer. She knew how to measure out the soap. Her daddy had taught her to be a big girl. What she forgot was that she shouldn’t mix colors. So when the washer stopped and she was ready to put the clothing in the dryer her brows shot up as most of the clothing was……. Pink. Bright pink. Barbie pink.

“Uh Oh,” Zephyr said and Nuffink who had been playing with his stuffed dragon on the floor looked up.

“What?” The boy asked in confusion. Zephyr just took out a polo shirt that was previously white. Now it was light pink to show him.

“I’m gonna tell mommy,” Nuffink said and he was out of the room lke lightning.

“Get back here you snitch!” Zephyr shouted but it was too late. Her brother was fast and by the time she got to her parents’ room he was already jumping on the bed, waking them.

“Mommy, mommy, mommy!” Nuffink nearly shouted. “Everything is pink!”

“Huh?” Astrid cracked open an eye as she took note of her youngest. Hiccup however remained asleep even with all the jumping he was still in La-La-Land.

“Ugh…” Astrid groaned as she stretched and then caught Nuffink, pulling him down. “What’s up honey bunches?”

“Zephyr made everything pink!” Nuffink exclaimed and Astrid frowned as she couldn’t compute. Her brain was still catching up and without coffee it was catching up very slowly.

“You little tattle-tale!” Zephyr shouted from the doorway causing Hiccup to crack open an eye this time before shutting it again. It was Saturday, he’d rather stay asleep.

Astrid groaned. She wasn’t gonna ask her husband to handle this. He worked enough all week. Being a stay-at-home dad seemed much more tasking than her job on top of his startup business. With a sigh she slipped out of bed, picking Nuffink up with one arm and keeping him under her shoulder as she walked to the door where Zephyr was glaring at her brother.

“Now what’s all this about?” The sleepy Astrid asked as Zephyr had to tell her the reason now. The trio headed to the laundry room afterwards to survey the damage and Astrid groaned when she noticed that it was her pink bra that dyed all the clothes. This would be a long morning.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Hiccup groaned as the light from the window hit him in the face. He was sure he’d drawn the curtains last night so he squinted at the clock on the dresser while absentmindedly patting Astrid’s side of the bed. It was cold so she must have already been up for a while. The clock read 11:43 AM which caused him to bolt up, getting his legs tangled in the sheets and promptly sent tumbling down from the side of the bed. “Ouch,” Hiccup groaned as he was glad his wife wasn’t here to see this. She’d probably never let him forget it.

Hiccup managed to untangle himself while still groggy and made his way to the attached bathroom so he could get ready for the day. He hit the shower and when he came out of it wiped the large mirror on the wall. The steam from the shower had formed condensation on it and Hiccup leaned forward a bit. He checked his beard and frowned, it was getting a bit wild so he picked up the shaving cream. This might give his wife a surprise Hiccup thought as he set to work.

As Hiccup went downstairs after exiting the bathroom and getting dressed for the day he smirked. It had been a while since Astrid saw him without the beard. He heard the kids playing loudly in the living room and saw his wife sitting at the kitchen table, engrossed in whatever was on her tablet. He leaned down in front of her and uttered “Hiya babe,” This caused Astrid to look up. Her eyes widened and she dropped the tablet on the table and before Hiccup could lean in and kiss her she jumped him while happily screaming “YOU FINALLY GOT RID OF THAT FACE BEAVER!”

“Huh… whaaaa….” Hiccup was perplexed. Astrid had told him she didn’t particularly like the beard but she wouldn’t ask him to shave it. The other comment that followed next really threw him for a loop. “Thank Thor! Now I don’t have to keep the harpies at bay!”

Hiccup was more confused than ever as Astrid peppered him with kisses. When she finally explained it was even more confusing. “Those cougars from the neighbourhood were eyeing you like a piece of lamb for the slaughter. It didn’t help that they were talking about your beard making you sexier! Now I don’t have to beat them back with my shoes anymore!” Astrid said with a smirk as she patted Hiccup’s cheek.

Hiccup sputtered as his wife explained the inner workings of the female mind to him while pouring him some coffee. Apparently he was a turn-on for older women when he had a beard. That was why she had been glowering at the group of women who looked like they had just gotten out of a hair salon.

Hiccup was going to say something when Nuffink padded into the room shouting “MOMMY! ZEPHY TOOK MY BEAR!” The boy stopped when seeing his dad but then he looked at Hiccup and screamed which caused Zephyr to also come take a look at what the commotion was.

“Wow,” Zephyr said as she saw her father’s shaven face. “You look…… less hairy,”

“Thank you?” Hiccup said but it sounded more like a question since he didn’t know if his daughter thought it to be a good thing or a bad thing.

“Daddy’s face hair ran away!” Nuffink exclaimed while pointing.

“No it didn’t you doofus. He just shaved it,” Zephyr rolled her eyes.

“But why?” Nuffink asked and both Hiccup and Astrid groaned. Once Nuffink started asking why it was like 100 questions.

“I don’t know,” Zephyr groaned as well. “I’m just going to go watch the new neighbours.”

“What new neighbours?” Hiccup questioned and Zephyr just pointed towards the living room window that she had been watching out of. Hiccup walked over and raised his brows as he saw a moving van parked across the street. They were unloading a lot of furniture.

“They’ve been there for….. 40 minutes or so,” Astrid stated as she looked at her tablet clock before also looking out the window and at the second house that was across from them. “Their arrival caused Mrs. Ortiz to sputter and stomp back inside. I like them already.”

“Let me guess, you want to do the neighbourly thing and go greet them?” Hiccup questioned as he followed his wife back into the other room. “So am I making casserole or cupcakes?”

“How about we just bring them wine.” Astrid suggested. “I’m pretty sure they’ll need it living next to that woman.”

“When are you and Mrs. Ortiz going to settle your feud?” Hiccup groaned. “You know the twins that run the local pub have a betting pool going about when one of you will maim the other. It’s even on the big chalkboard!”

“When she gets her head out of her arse,” Astrid hissed while Hiccup took a sip of his coffee. He grimaced because it was cold now. “Did you know at the last PTA meeting she had the gall to tell me that I’m setting a bad example for the students by dressing in skirts above my knees! She inferred that someone of my age should do something about that.”

“Oh Thor,” Hiccup groaned.

“I told her rather pointedly that someone of her age should do something about those saggy breasts.” Astrid muttered which caused Hiccup to nearly choke.

After a quick breakfast Hiccup decided that he’d take the children to the supermarket to get some groceries. Nuffink however didn’t want to go. The boy wanted to stay with Astrid who was currently enjoying her saturday while watching some talk show. Zephyr was much more enthusiastic as she asked her dad if she could get a toy.

“Just one,” Hiccup said, which had the girl whooping. She practically raced towards the car door as Hiccup kissed Astrid on the cheek while ruffling Nuffink’s hair. His wife had given him a small list of things she needed which included bleach and vinegar. Hiccup guessed that she would try to un-pink the clothes after he heard about this morning’s fiasco.

Hiccup started the car when Zephyr was safely strapped into the backseat. They left the driveway and headed for the supermarket that was approximately ten minutes away. The drive was rather quiet as Zephyr was playing on her phone and they got there in no time at all. Hiccup however cursed silently when he couldn’t find a spot that was close so they ended up parking all the way near the end.

Zephyr held Hiccup’s hand as they entered the supermarket and she kept close Hiccup grabbed a cart. They went to the produce aisle first where Hiccup got some carrots and onions. Zephyr made a face at the carrots and was later eyeing the bell peppers.

“Daddy why are they different colors?” She asked while pointing towards the green, yellow and red bell peppers.

“It’s how ripe they are,” Hiccup explained but Zephyr just frowned more. “The green are less ripe and aren’t as healthy as the red ones but they stay good longer. The red are healthier but don’t stay good for long.”

“Uhm….. okay,” Zephyr said as she watched her dad pick some out.

The cart was steadily filling up as they finally neared the kids section. Zephyr happily went exploring while Hiccup kept an eye on her. “One toy!” He told her again. It was best to be firm because once his daughter broke out the ‘eyes’ it was hard not to cave in. He had to stay strong, in a few years he might be immune to those eyes.

Zephyr came back with a large pack of Hot wheels miniature cars and Hiccup had to mentally laugh. There were about twelve cars in the pack and technically it still counted as one toy.

They made it to the frozen section at last as Hiccup wanted to pick up some salmon for tonight’s dinner. As he was placing the frozen salmon fillets in the cart something caught his eye. There seemed to be a sale on lobster tails and shrimp. It was the last two containers, each having two tails in them, and as he reached for them another hand also grabbed them. Hiccup looked up to see a red-headed man blink at him in confusion. It seemed neither had noticed the other going for the grab as they were so enticed by the sale. Berk was landlocked so lobster was a bit of a luxury.

“50-50?” The red-head asked and Hiccup nodded. Each of the men ended up with a container of tails and the duo struck up a conversation.

“Dagur,” The man introduced. “I’m new here and didn’t know that lobster went that fast. The other supermarket was sold out already,”

“Hiccup,” he answered back as he took the offered hand “Yeah, this isn’t Maine. They are pretty rare here.”

“Funny you should say that. My family and I recently moved from Maine.” The red-head joked and then gestured towards a red-headed teenage girl who was more focussed on her phone but still trailing along behind him. “I was sent out to get provisions lest I strangle our neighbour.”

Something clicked in Hiccup’s head and then he asked “Older woman about this tall?” He gestured towards his shoulder “Brunette, curly hair, busybody with a holier-than-thou attitude with a husband that’s actually pretty nice and people wonder how they even got together?”

“I don’t know about the husband but the woman’s description seems spot on,” Dagur stated. “She’s that infamous?”

“I’m her neighbour from across the street and I think you’re mine as well,” Hiccup confessed which caused Dagur to perk up somewhat. He guessed the man hadn’t made any friends yet. “This is my daughter Zephyr,” Hiccup introduced as well.

“Maddie come say hi to our neighbours!” Dagur turned to his daughter who was still busy texting.

“I’m busy dad!”

“Madeline Deranged you get your butt over here this instant!” The red-head uttered. Hiccup had a feeling that there were some interesting times ahead.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Two weeks had passed since the new neighbours had moved in and the Haddocks and Derangeds actually got along swimmingly. On the second day after meeting Dagur at the supermarket Hiccup, Astrid and the kids visited with casserole and wine as a welcome to the neighbourhood gesture. It was where they met Mala, Dagur’s girlfriend who was also his Highschool sweetheart.

Dagur and Mala obviously weren’t married even though they had a child together and neither Hiccup nor Astrid were going to pry as to why. Everyone had their reasons. It also seemed that was why Mrs. Ortiz was in a snit on moving day. The woman was nosy and old-fashioned and didn’t believe unmarried couples should be living together or having kids. Astrid had immediately taken a liking to Mala as she grumbled about the neighbour.

The Haddocks also learned that Mala had a military background and had done two tours abroad before she got out and they moved. She had applied for the position of Deputy Sheriff and gotten it. Mala however had been slightly confused when the elderly deputy that was retiring clapped her on the shoulders and wished her enormous amounts of luck and that she would need it. Hiccup had let out a nervous chuckle at that, glanced at his wife, and then proceeded to spill the beans that Astrid was the bane of the police department.

Maddie, or Madeline though she didn’t like to be called by her full name Hiccup and Astrid found out, was a typical teenager. She was at times snarky and glued to her phone but she had taken a liking to Zephyr and Nuffink even if she was at least five years older than. She entertained the kids in between texting and even got into a full blown debate with Zephyr about Flappy bird. A game which both sets of parents apparently sucked at.

The dinner had become more boisterous as wine was opened and poured copiously. Mala and Astrid had devolved into talking about various weapons while Hiccup and Dagur swapped pie recipes and gossip. And so two weeks passed in the blink of an eye as the new neighbours settled in.

Hiccup was mowing the yard one Saturday morning while Zephyr was drawing in colorful chalk on the sidewalk when Dagur approached. He looked rather pleasant but anyone who observed could see the slight tick in his face. “Brother!” Dagur says as he extends his arms in what is supposed to be a hug. Hiccup stops the mower but he doesn’t go to hug Dagur who is leaning dramatically over the fence. When Hiccup raised a brow and asked what was wrong all Dagur muttered was that he needed to borrow a rake.

“A rake?” Hiccup questioned.

“Yeah…….. Unless you have a chainsaw stashed somewhere,” was answered back by the red-head.

“I don’t know if I should give you either. You look like you’re going to commit murder,” Hiccup retorted as Dagur pouted.

“Oh come on Hiccup! Please! I just need to scare the living hell out of this Andrew guy.”

“Huh?!” Now Hiccup was confused and it showed. Dagur beckoned him closer and the two men began to gossip. The person who said men don’t gossip was clearly in denial as some of this gossip was way juicer than what women spoke about.

“So you know how Maddie started Berk High as a freshman two weeks ago,” Dagur began and Hiccup nodded along, curious to see where this was going. “I initially thought she would have trouble making friends but then she comes home all giddy on the third day. I admit I was curious but Mala told me to just let her be. Apparently she knew something.”

Hiccup nodded as he leaned on the mower while listening to Dagur. “So everything is all fine until last weekend,” here Hiccup frowned as he was sure the whole neighbourhood had heard Dagur curse. Hiccup had been curious as to what happened, though he would deny it till this day. “So I come into Maddie’s room with some freshly baked brownies and what do I see. My daughter. In her bra. Posing in front of a mirror with clothes. And snapping PICTURES!” Dagur’s pitch got higher by at least an octave. “Pictures she sent to this ANDREW guy!”

Hiccup’s eyes widened as Dagur continued “And what’s more. ‘Andrew is coming to visit in an hour! Mala and Maddie don't seem to think it’s a big deal but she’s my little girl and I don’t want her sending those pictures to her boyfriend!”

It was Zephyr however who snorted, drawing the attention of her father and Mr. Dagur. “Andrew isn’t Maddie’s boyfriend,” the young girl rolled her eyes. “He’s her GBF and she’s his SBF.”

“I’m sorry….. What?” Dagur near sputtered.

“OMG how old can you guys be,” Zephyr groaned. “GBF, Gay Best Friend, SBF, Straight Best Friend. This is soooooo embarrassing having to explain!” Zephyr huffed before she left her chalk drawings and went inside, probably to complain to Astrid that Hiccup was becoming an old man and no longer hip with the times.

Zephyr then opened the front door again as if she forgot something and shouted “And Andrew was helping her choose clothing to impress a guy!” before slamming it.

“Well….. My daughter is a bit of a tomboy….” Dagur nodded and then something clicked “IMPRESS WHAT GUY!”

Dagur hightailed it back to his house, probably to get more info when Hiccup remembered something. “We're still on for tonight?!” He shouted as Dagur gave him a thumbs-up.

The tonight Hiccup was referring to was their planned night out with the kids. They were going to try the new bowling alley that had just opened up. Soda, beer, pizza, and bowling sounded like a fun night with the kids. Astrid and Mala had suggested it last week as they cornered their partners.

The hours passed quickly and in no time Hiccup and Astrid were piling the kids into the SUV and heading down to the new bowling alley. Hiccup spotted Dagur’s car easily. It was a bright orange sedan with the licence plate ‘BAD-A33”. Hard to miss in the suburbs much to Maddie’s exasperation and possible humiliation.

“This looks like fun!” Astrid said. “I can’t believe I never bowled before.”

Hiccup nodded in agreement. Marriage had taught him one thing; smile and nod even if your wife is deadly with projectiles. Especially if your wife is deadly with projectiles he amended.

They rented shoes and spotted Dagur, Mala and Maddie already sitting in the two rented lanes. “Hiya neighbours!” Dagur and mala waved at them while Maddie gave a short nod before looking back at her phone.

“We haven’t ordered yet,” Mala said as she handed Astrid a menu. Nuffink was crouching on a stool and watching the other bowlers while Zephyr was eyeing the lanes. Hiccup joined Dagur who was apparently weighing bowling balls.

“You seem awfully relaxed,” Hiccup commented as he heard the women order several sets of garlic fries and a large pepperoni pizza with soda.

Dagur whispered “Mala is a crackshot with a gun but she can’t aim a bowling ball. What about your missus?”

“Never played,” Hiccup whispered back, though he wondered why he was even whispering.

The group decided to divide into two with Astrid, Mala and Zephyr on one team and Dagur, Hiccup and Maddie on the other. Nuffink was more interested in inhaling the food than the game so they let the little tike be.

Mala bowled as Dagur predicted…… badly. Hiccup never knew someone who could get that many gutterballs in a game. Astrid, though her first time, easily caught on and was amazing, even if her first two balls impacted the ceiling. Zephyr was also enjoying herself and adding to the score. Dagur and Hiccup were quite good but Maddie seemed to have inherited her mother’s nack for bowling. The scores were fairly tied in the end and Hiccup was up. He was looking at the pins while holding the ball so he hadn’t noticed his wife’s evil smirk nor had he noticed her whispering to their daughter.

“Gee… I can’t wait to get a boyfriend mom,” Zephyr said rather loudly in the group, not loud enough to draw attention but Hiccup still heard it just as he was about to release his bowling ball. His grip tightened and he actually slipped on the floor, sending the bowling ball hurling backwards. Dagur squacked as he had to duck.

“You guys are evil!” Hiccup grumbled as the ladies laughed. Hiccup’s fumble had put them in the lead. The night was fun and interesting to say the least. Afterwards Hiccup heard his daughter ask Astrid “Mommy will you go all crazy when I do get a boyfriend?”

“Oh honey, it’s not me you should be worried about,” Astrid laughed as she said this. “It’s your father. Afterall he did make my axe,”


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The following day found Hiccup groaning into his mattress as he was assaulted by Zephyr’s enthusiasm. It was Sunday and after their bowling night yesterday he thought the kids would be without much energy. His little girl was currently bouncing on his bed in a beige tutu and thighs.

“Munchkin….” Hiccup groaned as Astrid next to him was completely out of it. She was still snoring away with all the mattress bouncing going on. Oh how Hiccup envied her. Last night after the first slice of pizza the ladies had ordered a cheap bottle of wine while Hiccup got Dagur and himself some beers. The kids of course stayed with soda. As more and more pizza disappeared they had to order a second one. Dagur opted to go with the Hawaiian variety, drizzling some BBQ sauce over the pineapples. Zephyr at first had balked at the idea of BBQ sauce on a pizza but soon was also munching happily along. If only he could get her to eat her broccoli with such gusto.

“But daddy, you promised to help me practice for the recital!” Zephyr said as she shook his shoulder. “I need to get these positions right!”

Hiccup’s muffled groan could be heard from his facedown position on the bed but he knew he had promised. Zephyr was a ball of energy and both Hiccup and Astrid had decided to let her try some sports to work that energy off. Baseball hadn’t worked, tennis had been a disaster, Soccer was……… uhm…. Let’s just say Zephyr had her mother’s aim and less mercy. Hiccup had balked at archery lessons and had steered his wife and daughter away from the country club Stoick and Valka were part of. Music was a big no no. Hiccup still remembered cringing when Zephyr tried the violin, the viola and surprisingly the trumpet. Astrid had drawn a line there as her ears couldn’t take it. And then two years ago when Zephyr was six and Nuffink was 4 they went to an outdoor winter play of the Nutcracker and Zephyr absolutely fell in love with ballet.

She wore her parents down and when they finally caved in they signed her up for lessons at a local Ballet studio that was above the gym Gobber owned. She’s been at it ever since, which unfortunately leads to the current morning situation.

Hiccup managed to drag himself out of bed, ignoring his still snoring wife who was spread out like a starfish and hogging blankets. He looked at the clock and groaned ‘7:58 AM’. No one should be this hyper this early on a sunday morning but Zephyr lived to defy the norm.

“Where’s Nuff?” He asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“Snoring I think,” Zephyr said as she was bouncing on the heels of her feet. And of course his youngest was. He got that from Astrid, dead to the world unless enticed by coffee or chocolate.

Hiccup had donned a rope and padded downstairs with his daughter skipping ahead. She had already set up a portable bar in the middle of the living room for practice. “How long have you been up?” Hiccup asked as he finally noticed that Zephyr seemed wide-awake and dressed. His sleepy brain needed to catch up.

“A while,” Zephyr said as Hiccup sat down. As he was the one usually taking his daughter to ballet class, with the exception of this month as he had an important project, he knew quite a bit of the positions she was talking about. He and Nuffink usually stuck around for Zephyr’s practice, with his son either playing a game on Hiccup’s phone or doing homework. At first it was awkward as the people who usually stuck around were the moms and he was the odd dad out but soon he had struck up a relatively good acquaintance with the ladies though some could be quite competitive.

Hiccup watched as Zephyr went through the motions. First came the five basic positions that had been drilled into her at day one and she had that under her belt already. The demi-plie and the battement tendu also went well but Zephyr seemed to be struggling on the pirouette still.

“Arrrggg….” Zephyr growled as she kept trying the pirouette again and again. “Why can’t I get this?!”

“Munchkin maybe you should take a break,” Hiccup suggested. “You won’t get it if you’re this stressed.”

“But I need to get it,” Zephyr grumbled. “Dad, I really need to get this or everyone might laugh at me. Angela already does.”

And there was the reason really. Angela was Zephyr’s arch-nemesis in ballet, and it took Hiccup quite a few days to wrap his head around having an arch-nemesis……. In ballet. The girls were roughly the same age and had joined the lessons at the same time but there was always a competitive edge between the two. One always tried to outdo the other. It’s the reason why Astrid didn’t like Angela’s mother. Hiccup had steered clear of the woman but Astrid had butted heads.

“Angela’s pirouette is perfect and she’s going to nail the showcase.” Zephyr sulked a bit. “Meanwhile I get dizzy just trying it.”

“Well munchkin you aren’t Angela are you. You must have some moves that she can’t do,”

“Something she can’t do?” Zephyr questioned aloud. “You mean like a move we haven’t learned in class yet?”

“I guess,” Hiccup said. “Have you learned a move that hasn’t been taught yet?” It was a stretch asking but knowing his daughter she might have picked up on something as they often came early and she watched the intermediate class ending.

Zephyr thought for a moment before something clicked. “I saw two I liked…… but…” She was a bit hesitant.

“But….” Hiccup urged her.

“I haven’t really practiced those but I know Angela doesn’t know then and she’d eat her shoes!” Her exuberance was returning and she went back to stand by the bar to show her dad.

Zephyr did a new type of pose, putting her supporting leg in a demi pointe position before lifting her other leg behind her and her arms above her head. Hiccup realized that he had seen this position before in the intermediate class though apparently he hadn’t paid as much attention to it as his daughter had and who proclaimed proudly while holding the position that it was called ‘Attitude’.

Hiccup clapped as Zephyr took a bow. “That looks great munchkin,” he said.

“Daddy I saw one more!” Zephyr proudly proclaimed and Hiccup was somewhat curious as to what she had picked up just from watching. His eyes widened slightly when even he recognized the move she was going to try. The Temps Leve was a hop from one foot with the other raised in any position but as his daughter was trying to show him the move they both realized quite too late that the living room didn’t have enough room itself. So Zephyr ended up crashing into the couch where Hiccup sat, landing nearly on top of him, knocking the wind out of him. For an eight year old she was already slightly too heavy to sit on daddy’s lap.

The ominous crash of porcelain that followed had both Hiccup and Zephyr freezing in cold blood. The duo looked to the table next to the couch to see Astrid’s large porcelain swan on the carpet in pieces. The couch jostling had apparently caused the side table to wobble too, sending the swan careening off of it. Zephyr stared wide-eyed and Hiccup blanched. Astrid loved that swan. His wife was going to kill them.

“Honey what was that noise?” Astrid asked from upstairs as she had taken that particular moment to wake up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

It was a typical Monday afternoon a week later when both Astrid and Mala returned home, meaning it was a very bad day to get on either women’s nerves. There basically wasn’t enough coffee for Mondays and Astrid wanted to do an imitation of Garfield and just curl up in bed again.

“Hey…” Mala greeted as both women stepped out of their respective cars. Mala had driven her police cruiser home today and Astrid waved at her from across the street at first before she frowned. She then gestured towards Mala’s head but those gestures were met with a raise of eyebrows. It culminated in Astrid having to cross the street to get her message across.

“You have feathers in your hair,” Astrid pointed out when she was in earshot. Mala’s hand reflexively went to her short-cropped hair and pulled out several brown feathers. “Rough day at work?” Astrid then asked.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Mala grumbled.

“Tell me about it,” Astrid said and then she got an idea. “You want to hang out?”

“Hang out?” Mala frowned while she asked.

“Well yeah….” Astrid said and then pointed to the treehouse in their backyard which was partially visible from the street. “Hiccup made that when Zephyr was 5. Nuffink doesn’t use it much. I have a few bottles of wine in the car….”

“Say no more, I’ll get the glasses,” Mala said as she fished out her house keys. “Meet you there?”

“Sure,”

It wasn’t long before both women were climbing the rope ladder into the treehouse. The clang of bottles in the bag Astrid had around her shoulders could be heard. Mala had changed out of her uniform and was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie while Astrid had changed into a T-shirt and some lounge pants.

“Is that a miniature chandelier?” Mala asked once they managed to get inside. Her brows shot up as she also spotted an Easy-bake oven.

“Hiccup got a little carried away,” Astrid laughed.

The pop of a cork was heard and soon the glasses were filled with a sweet red wine. Both women took a sip and groaned as the stress from work left them.

“So why the treehouse?” Mala asked as she and Astrid leaned against some small bean bag chairs. They made great pillows.

“Sometimes you just gotta get away from it all. Especially Mondays.” Astrid gestured to the house. “Hiccup has his inventing hobby in the garage and I like to drink in a nice quiet atmosphere. Don’t get me wrong. The kids and husband are great. Amazing even but mommy needs a breather every once and awhile.”

Mala nodded. “I can imagine. Never had much time for that though when Maddie was growing up. She clung to me like a koala. Once during bath time Dagur had to help me pry her off my leg.”

Astrid laughed at the image as she could relate. Getting kids into baths, especially young ones, tended to be a task unto itself.

“So I got to ask, those feathers. Runaway chicken again?” Astrid smirked as Mala quirked a brow in her direction. “Again?” the Deputy frowned. “So this happened before?”

“Oooh yeah,” Astrid took a sip of her wine and giggled. She leaned forward a bit and there was a glint of amusement in her eyes as she took out her phone from the bag. “And I got pictures!”

The women huddled closer as Astrid scrolled through her albums while she was telling the story. “So Chicken is Tuffnut’s. You know the crazy blonde guy that owns the local pub with his sister?”

“The one that runs the betting pools right?” Mala smirked. “I saw the chalkboard when I had to return that feathery fowl.” This caused Astrid to let out a groan at being reminded about the neighbourhood bets. She finally found the right album and clicked on it. Several pictures popped up. “This was from the neighbourhood block party a couple of months ago.”

“It seems normal,” Mala said as she looked at the picture.

“I take that back,” She immediately stated once Astrid scrolled to the next picture. “Why is Eret holding a sheep in his arms?”

“Mildew’s sheep Fungus,” Astrid explained “Is terrified of Chicken.”

Another few pictures showed the chaos that unfolded. “Oh myyyy…” Mala blinked as she looked at the disorder a fighting sheep and chicken could cause. “No wonder Eret was glaring at that chicken when I brought it to the station.”

“Oh that reminds me. I snagged some casserole,” Astrid said as she produced forks and a large tupperware container out of her bag. “Hiccup’s been on a bit of a cooking binge lately.”

“I’ve noticed that. Last week he gave Dagur eclairs and cheesecake to take home.” Mala said as they divided the casserole up.

“A cheesecake too? Damn. I knew about the eclairs but not the cheesecake. He must have been cooking at night too.” Astrid was pensive for a moment.

“You know, binges like that usually don’t happen without a reason.” Mala observed Astrid’s pensive face. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, that’s just Hiccy dealing with the fact that my mother called,” Astrid grumbled now. “We aren’t super close and she even gives me a headache.”

“I’m guessing she’s the controlling type?” Mala questioned as Astrid refilled their glasses.

“Like you wouldn’t believe. Typical helicopter parent really.” Astrid muttered as she stabbed her casserole. “I wasn’t allowed to drive, had to call her each hour or she would freak out, she tried to decide who I should be friends with, etcetera etcetera.” Astrid now rolled her eyes. “She even tried to get me kicked out of college when she realized I was moving out of State and went ballistic when she found out I was dating Hiccup. She never approved of him you know, so she didn’t come to the wedding but now every few months she tries calling because she wants to see her grandkids. I forbid it and if Hiccup ends up answering the phone he gets an earful about how we are depriving her of seeing her grandbabies.”

Mala winced and muttered “That’s harsh. Though I get you. You don’t want your kids influenced by your mother. I had to deal with something similar growing up and it’s one of the reasons Dagur and I didn’t get married.” The casserole was now forgotten as Mala shared her story. “My family is very…….. Traditional.” She explained. “I grew up in a large family, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews and there was always that fine line between girls and boys. My mother was very strict about it too.”

“You mean…..” Astrid made a gesture to which Mala nodded.

“Yeah, girls had to have long hair, and look cute, and know how to cook, find a good husband and have kids.” Here Mala rolled her eyes. “My younger sisters and I had to do the dishes after every meal while the boys got to goof off and I hated it. Safe to say that once Highschool hit I had a bit of a rebellious phase. It’s how I met Dagur actually.”

“Oh do tell,” Astrid hung on every word.

“It was a small town and I had the typical girl-next-door look,” Mala snorted. “I should show you some old pictures sometime. But… yeah… back to Highschool, there was this really badass girl, Heather. You know, leather jacket, lots of ear piercings, rode a motorcycle. She was considered the rebel of the school. You’d never expect her to be friends with someone like me but we were. First time I punched a guy was when he was bothering her and all she said was ‘wow blondy. Nice hook’.

Astrid snorted as the story continued “Of course my parents hated her but by that time I could care less. So one night Heather calls me up and asks if I’d meet her at the pool hall, which was our usual hangout. She brought her brother along that night and we immediately hit it off. Well, we hit it off after I hustled him out of some money over pool.”

Mala smiled at the memory before taking a sip of her wine. The first bottle was nearly gone and Astrid uncorked the second one. “Basically, Dagur and I liked each other but he didn’t like my parents and they didn’t like him. They tried to keep me in the house or set me up on blind dates with boys they approved of. It just made me resent them more. Dagur was going back to college and once I was an adult I moved out and enlisted. We kept the relationship long distance as I did my first tour and it worked for us. When I came back I went to see my parents again, hoping they may have changed their views but I ended up being disappointed. My mother nearly shrieked at my short hair, tattoos and the fact that I went against their family values. Dad said nothing and just went back inside. Afterwards Dagur and I moved in with each other and both of us realized that marriage wasn’t for us. We had a great thing going already. Marriage isn’t for everyone but that doesn’t mean you can’t start a family.”

Astrid nodded and she wasn’t going to admit she was tearing up. A voice from below caught the women’s attention not long after and Astrid stuck her head out of one of the windows in the treehouse.

“Hiccup?” She blinked and looked down at her husband who was standing while holding something.

“Hello M’lady,” Hiccup grinned, “Can I interest you in some cupcakes?”

“Hiccup you have got to stop baking. I’m going to get fat!” Astrid grumbled.

“So is that a no to the cupcakes?” Hiccup questioned.

“I didn’t say that!”


	9. NOT A CHAPTER. IMPORTANT AN

**AN: This is not a chapter but serious nonetheless.**

**I have gotten 2 reviews today from the same person on one of the sites that I post and I am both shocked, appalled and frankly pissed off. I would like to address these publicly since they reviewed as a guest. At first I was going to give everyone a new chapter but this needs to be addressed.**

**The first review reads as followed:**

_Great story so far one thing though. It makes me uncomfortable that Mala and Dagur aren't married. I think next chapter should be Dagur talking to Hiccup about how he wants to propose to Mala but he doesn't want to ruin the thing they have and he doesn't know how to and is going to Hiccup for advice and then Hiccup and Astrid should help him blah blah blah and then. BAM! They get married_

**The second review reads as:**

_I apologize for not mentioning this in my other review._   
_I don't like your OC Andrew. Being gay is wrong it's not cool or right it's weird disgusting and gross. So please don't bring him back_

**You apologize….. No you aren’t sorry at all. Let’s just get that out of the way. You do not bring your hate for unmarried couples with children and the LGBT+ community into my stories without expecting a clap back. The only thing disgusting is your hate for people that lead different lifestyles from yours.**

**Furthermore I will never compromise the integrity of my story plots to appease to people who find certain lifestyles ‘uncomfortable and disgusting’. If you don’t like what you read then DON’T READ IT. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 9**

“Honey!!!!” Hiccup shouted from the driveway towards the house as the kids peeked out of the SUV window. “We’re going to be late!”

“I’m coming! I’m coming!” Astrid said as she walked out of the house and locked the door behind her, her handbag nearly getting caught in the doorframe. “And we are not late. Your parents are expecting us in an hour.” she then quipped.

“They are expecting us in thirty minutes,” Hiccup corrected and then asked as he spotted his wife walking barefoot towards the car while holding a pair of flats in her hands. “Why aren’t you wearing any shoes?”

“My nail polish is still drying,” Astrid told Hiccup as she opened the door and settled into her seat. Hiccup started the car and put it in reverse easily. As they were backing out of their driveway Nuffink spoke up “DAAAADDD I HAVE TO PEE!” The six-year-old exclaimed which caused Hiccup to slam on the breaks and groan.

Hiccup handed Zephyr his set of house keys and said in a firm voice “Both of you go now.”

“But I don’t have to go,” Zephyr protested.

“Both of you,” Hiccup stated again as the children quickly got out and raced towards the door. He knew his kids. They would be halfway to his parents when Zephyr would need a bathroom break. He just knew it.

Hiccup looked to his left and saw Astrid rifling through her purse. She smiled triumphantly when she found her jar of Aloe skin care lotion. It always seemed to slip to the bottom of her bag Hiccup noted. What he also noted was that Astrid’s right foot was suddenly on his dashboard and she was applying the cream with practiced ease. He should be used to his wife’s quirks by now but he still couldn’t help blushing when he sneaked a peek at her legs.

“We can have some…. Quality time later,” Astrid smirked and Hiccup turned as red as a tomato because she had caught him looking. The blush reached the tip of his ears and Astrid gave him a quick peck on the cheek as the kids were running back to the fan. “Love you too babe.”

Zephyr had handed her dad his keys back and the Haddocks were thus on their way to grandma’s and grandpa’s place for the Saturday.

Hiccup frowned when they were on the highway, he could hear his radio. That meant that the car was quiet. The car, containing his kids, was quiet. In this case quiet wasn’t a good sign. “Honey….” Hiccup asked and Astrid looked up from her scrolling through Buzzfeed. “Don’t you think it’s unusually quiet?” He asked as he really didn’t want to think of the horror that could probably be happening in the backseat.

Astrid frowned and then looked back. There was an intake of breath and Hiccup could just imagine Astrid’s eyes either widening or narrowing. “Zephyr Marie Haddock! What the hell did you do to your brother?!”

‘Oh, full name used,’ Hiccup thought. Then Astrid’s eyes had been narrowing.

“Honey what happened?”

“Hiccup keep your eyes on the road,” Astrid warned. “We’ll fix this once we get to your parents’ place.”

“Fix what?!” Hiccup asked though he duly kept both hands on the wheel and his eyes straight forward. Astrid’s tone right now was one that promised serious consequences if you crossed it but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t curious.

He took a quick peek in the rearview mirror but could only see the top of Zephyr’s head. “Give it here young lady,” Astrid ordered as her hand was stretched out. When she turned back around he noticed that Astrid had Zephyr’s pack of coloring markers in her hand. She then placed the markers in the dashboard.

“Did she color on the seats again?” Hiccup asked. “She better have not.” The last time the markers had been a pain to get out of the upholstery.

“She didn’t draw on the seats,” Astrid sighed. “You’ll see when we get there. The exit is coming up.”

Hiccup nodded though the curiosity was killing him and maybe a bit of trepidation too.

The Haddocks arrived at the gated community where Stoick and Valka lived. The guards on duty already knew who they were so they let them through easily.

“These houses are sooooo boring,” Zephyr grumbled as she looked out the window just as Nuffink yawned. Hiccup realized that he must have slept nearly the whole car ride here. “Dad, why did gramps and granny move here?”

The beige houses did indeed look rather boring Hiccup mentally noted before answering his daughter “Well Zeph, grandma had a bit of trouble with the solicitors in the last place they lived. They were rather forceful and kept trying to sell her things so she threw one of those old Nokia phones at them.” Even Astrid winced. Those things were made like a brick afterall.

“Where did Valka even get one of those?” His wife asked with a frown.

“Oh, she was cleaning out the garage to make room for the canoe at the time.” Hiccup replied as he parked the car along the sidewalk of one of the houses under the shade of a large tree.

Astrid blinked and then blinked again in confusion. “Your parents don’t canoe.”

“Eh…. yeah,” Hiccup gave a nervous chuckle. “Dad was going through a bit of a mid-life crisis. Remember when you were still pregnant with Nuff and he came walking in wearing an ascot.”

“The day he went blond?!” Astrid’s eyes widened and boy, was that a day. Stoick had gotten some weird idea that he would have looked better as a blond and proceeded to bleach his beard. Valka nearly had a coronary.

“Yeah, he bought the canoe around that time.” Hiccup supplied.

Astrid hadn’t known about the canoe but things made so much more sense now when she had once found Stoick trying on a wetsuit. “I did not need that image in my head,” Hiccup heard his wife mutter as he stepped out and opened the sliding door of the SUV to let the kids out. However, he promptly stopped as he got a look at Nuffink’s face. Half of it, presumably the half that he hadn’t been laying on while asleep, was covered in drawings. “Zephyr we do not draw on people’s faces!”

“He deserved it. He stole my BunBun last night!” Zephyr said as she stepped out of the car while Hiccup checked to see if the markers could be wiped off.

“We do not draw on people’s faces young lady!” Hiccup admonished and then turned to Nuffink “And you. You know better than to grab your sister’s stuffed animals.”

“But I needed it,” Nuffink whined as he tugged on Hiccup’s arm.

“For whatever reason would you need a giant stuffed octopus?!”

“Space invaders!” The boy declared proudly while his sister rolled her eyes.

“Grampa!” Both kids then shouted and raced past Hiccup and into Stoick’s arms as he came out of the house to greet them.

“Oof,” Stoick exclaimed as he hefted both kids up in his arms. “Oh my. You two have gotten big!” He chuckled.

“Hey dad,” Hiccup greeted, with Astrid also giving a greeting.

“You guys are just in time.” Stoick said. “Valka and I just finished setting up the trampoline and Gobber has the grill going.”

“TRAMPOLINE YESSSS!” the kids exclaimed happily and Stoick put them down so they could run into the house.

“Gobber is here too?” Hiccup asked as he and Astrid followed Stoick inside as well.

“Of course he is. He’s cooking,” Stoick said so matter-of-factly as if it was common. He then leaned closer to Hiccup to whisper “Do ya really think I’d let yer mother get close to my new propane grill?”

Hiccup nodded as he remembered Thanksgiving ‘03. That had been both thrilling and………. Nerve-Wracking. The Fire Marshal had called it an implausible feat.

Hiccup greeted his mother in the living room where she and Astrid were busy wiping Nuffink’s face with baby wipes to get the markers off.

“Stoick there ya are!” Came a voice from the back and all eyes turned to Gobber who hobbled inside while carrying……. A plastic pink flamingo????

“Skullcrusher and Cloudjumper keep using this here to play tug of war.” Gobber grumbled as he put the lawn ornament in Stoick’s hands. “I nearly tripped over them when I turned to grab the sirloin!”

Hiccup stifled a laugh. Skullcrusher and Cloudjumper were the very large and hairy dogs his parents owned. Skullcrusher was a Tibetan Mastiff while Cloudjumper was a Newfoundland. Speaking of dogs, the heavy paws Hiccup heard running in their direction right now caused Zephyr to shout in glee before she launched herself at the giant hairballs. This was going to be an interesting BBQ day.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 10**

Astrid and Valka were seated at a table on the patio with each a glass of red wine in front of them. The women were laughing at something Hiccup couldn’t hear.

“So lad, how’s the missus,” Gobber asked as he grilled steaks, burgers, and sausages along with corn and surprisingly avocados. Hiccup had been helping his godfather prepare the avocados and he watched as the pitless fruit, with its skin still on, went on the grill for several minutes before it was topped with herbs.

“Everything’s pretty fine,” Hiccup shrugged as he drank from his beer. “We’ve been married for a couple of years now so things are…….”

“A bit stale huh lad?” Gobber nudged Hiccup. “You can tell ole Gobber.”

“It’s not that,” Hiccup mumbled. “We’re happy. We got a crazy but good family life, awesome jobs, a house with only a year of mortgage left….”

“But….” Gobber asked with a raised brow.

“I don’t know. Did we become so predictable?” Hiccup questioned.

“Predictable as in…” Gobber wagged his bushy brows rather suggestively causing Hiccup to blush.

“NOT LIKE THAT GOBBER! OH MY THOR!”

Gobber was waiting rather expectantly and Hiccup gave in. “I mean, for instance, our date nights. We go to the same places. The food is excellent. That’s not the problem. It’s when your waiter knows you’re coming before you make a reservation. I had my favorite drink placed in front of me last week at the restaurant before we even ordered.”

“We have an amazing babysitter, thank Thor for that.” Hiccup sent up a silent prayer at whatever deity was listening. “But when your babysitter can answer your questions before you even ask them then you’re predictable.”

“It’s not that we don’t enjoy these outings but you know, sometimes I see Astrid smile and wave at the staff of a place we go to and watch her ask about how their kids are doing and I wonder, what if at some point she isn’t pleased with all the monotony and wants something more…. Exciting.” Hiccup confessed. “But we also need the monotony because let’s face it, the kids need a routine to follow. They’re like sharks sometimes. You deviate and they smell blood in the water.”

“They can’t be that bad,” Gobber muttered and Hiccup just stared his godfather down with that look that Stoick sometimes got when he had to deal with Hiccup’s antics.

“I sometimes think we need to take a vacation,” Hiccup confessed.

“Then why don’t you?” Gobber asked. “Book a nice cruise. I hear the Bahamas are nice this time of year.”

“It’s not that simple Gobber,” Hiccup shrugged. “We both have our jobs. I got this big new Chinese client who is looking to invest. In the coming months architects are going to be pitching their ideas for hotel designs and Astrid has that promotion coming up. She’ll be swamped with work as she is transitioning. I have no doubt she’ll get that promotion. Also the kids already seemed to have made plans for the summer.”

“What plans can kids make?” Gobber raised a brow.

“Nuff wants to join the Berk Boyscouts and Zeph is trying to bribe us into letting her go to this Summer camp for kids interested in astronomy.” Hiccup explained.

“Well ya don’t wanna have a vacation when you’re that age to be put in a retirement home,” Gobber pointed out. “I say you talk it over with them. Who knows, maybe the kids will like it.”

“My kids, on a cruise….. Trapped on a floating metal craft adrift on an ocean…… I mean…. What could go wrong….” Hiccup shrugged just as his dad returned from the garage carrying a sack.

“Kids I have Croquet!” Stoick announced as he dumped the contents of the sack on the lawn. There were balls of different colors rolling around, several mallets and some metallic hoops along with two wooden sticks. Nuffink who had been using the trampoline and shouting like a sugar high kid scrambled off of it and approached his grandpa. Zephyr however had a harder time as she had been roughhousing with the dogs and was currently trapped under them and slightly covered in mud. Though she did manage to extricate herself from the pile of floof, Hiccup noted. Both kids went to their grandpa curious and it was Nuffink that spoke up first.

“I thought you had croquette!” Nuffink frowned as he looked at the balls. “I can't eat this,”

“It’s a game, not food!” Zephyr rolled her eyes as she stared at her brother. The adults chuckled at their antics as Stoick passed the mallets around and explained how the game worked.

The game started after Stoick pressed the hoops and sticks into the ground in a specific pattern. When it was Nuffink’s turn he frowned. The six year old had watched his sister and grandpa hit the balls and cheered when they went through several hoops. So he reasoned that if he hit his ball hard enough it would go through more hoops.

Nuffink stepped up and readied his mallet. He took a stance like he’d seen those golfers on TV do and whacked the plastic ball. Only he whacked it too hard. The mallet flew out of his hands while the plastic ball soared off the ground and straight at Hiccup’s forehead. Luckily Hiccup ducked but he had stepped backwards a bit, slipping on the plastic pink flamingo that had lain on the grass near the BBQ.

When Hiccup came too he was on the living room couch and Astrid was crouching over him. “Honey you alright?” Astrid asked as she dabbed a wet towel against his forehead.

“I feel I should resent plastic flamingos now,” Hiccup groaned.

“Don’t get up too quickly,” Astrid put a hand on his shoulder. “Besides while you were out things…. Happened.”

Hiccup quirked a brow “It can’t have been that bad. Just how much could I have missed?”

“Well, once we carried you inside, Gobber went to get the first aid kit. When he came back there was a light shower happening outside and he, Stoick and Valka scrambled to save the food. Well, most of the food.”

“Most of?” Hiccup asked as Astrid kept the towel pressed against his head.

“Yeah, Skullcrusher and Cloudjumper managed to get away with a steak which caused Gobber to shout about ‘Thieving dogs’, which then prompted the neighbour to shout ‘shut up!’.” Astrid explained and all Hiccup could do was groan. “So now everything is moved inside and the kids are in the bath with your mother. She wants to get all the mud off of them before she breaks out the board games. It looks like it will be BBQ and Monopoly until the rain stops.”

Hiccup groaned. Monopoly would bring chaos and he knew his kids. This would be bad. Very bad. His mind muttered ‘Dun Dun Dun you’re dead’.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 11**

It was nearly four o’clock in the afternoon when Hiccup heard the door open and close. “We’re home dad!” He heard Zephyr’s voice all the way from the kitchen as well as Nuffink stomping up the stairs.

“Nuff what did I tell you about running up stairs!” Hiccup admonished while dressed in his ‘Kiss the cook’ apron and holding a mixing bowl.

“Oh my Thor dad, can you not!” Zephyr groaned as she saw her dad in that ridiculous apron. It had frills around the edges and Zephyr just looked embarrassed to see her dad in it. There was a giggle behind Zephyr and Hiccup finally noticed that they had company.

“Maddie, what brings you here?” Hiccup asked as he turned to address the teen. He didn’t let go of the mixing bowl though.

“I got something to ask you Mr. H,” Maddie said while looking slightly unsure. “That is if you have the time.”

“Of course I do,” Hiccup answered. “Just take a seat. Don’t mind the baking. I’m making tonight’s dessert.”

“Which is?” Zephyr was curious and she frowned when Hiccup gestured to the pineapple on the table.

“Pineapple pie. First time I’m trying this recipe.” This caused Zephyr to make a face like pineapple didn’t belong in pie. Hiccup rolled his eyes. She’d inhale a pineapple pizza but makes a face when it goes in a pie. Sometimes he couldn’t understand his kids.

“Zeph why don’t you go freshen up. Daddy needs to have an adult conversation.” he told his daughter. Zephyr didn’t seem to object, already somewhat bored. She proceeded to trudge upstairs leaving Maddie and Hiccup alone. “So tell me what’s up.”

“You really think I’m an adult?” Maddie asked. “My parents don’t seem to think so,”

“Well…. Uhm… the questionable pictures aside. You do seem to have a good head on your shoulders.”

This statement caused Maddie to groan. “So I’m guessing they told you… you know… about the pictures. Dad’s a bit of a gossip I guess and he really never had many close friends before. At least not ones that didn’t stab him in the back.” Maddie mumbled that last part but Hiccup still heard it, though he didn’t think he should have. “It’s not what you think really,” Maddie then said. “But it relates to that. It’s actually two problems I’m dealing with and Andrew suggested I should get an unbiased opinion before talking to my parents about it.”

“So what’s it you need help with?” Hiccup asked with a frown.

“Okay, so like, there’s this really cute guy a grade above me. His name’s Dillan,” Maddie gushed a bit.

“You have a crush,” Hiccup stated more than asked and Maddie nodded. “So…. football, runner,....” Chances were the guy was a jock. Girls were always drawn at times to the athletic type.

“Oh Thor no,” Maddie quickly said. “He’s in the chess club. I honestly don’t think I could date the athletic type. Dad’s the athletic type…” Maddie shuddered a bit. “Too similar.”

“Okayyyy……” Hiccup blinked as he continued to apparently delve further into the teenage mind. Which he would soon find out was a scary place to be.

“He is so adorable. With his hazel eyes and those glasses,” Maddie giggled a bit more. “The only problem is he doesn’t know I exist.”

“Ah, so that’s the crux of your problem.” Hiccup nodded.

“Yeah and I overheard some of the girls say Dillan likes pretty girls. So I thought maybe he didn’t notice me because I’m not pretty enough,” Maddie muttered as she held her hand against her face.

“I couldn’t ask my parents if I was pretty. They’d just say that I was.” Maddie gestured wildy. “They are basically programmed to say that. So I sent Andrew some pictures so he could be objective. The pictures are all gone too. He deleted them cause they don’t turn him on.” Here she laughed a bit. “I apparently am not his type, though he is trying to get the attention of the school’s linebacker.”

“Of course my parents freaked,” Maddie groaned again. “They had me invite Andrew over for a chat. When he arrived mom was cleaning her Baretta on the kitchen table.”

“I think the message was received then,” Hiccup stated as he made the pie crust while continuing to listen.

“I just wish they didn’t,” Maddie muttered. “Andrew’s the first friend I made since moving here. You know he almost mowed me down on his skateboard at school. That’s how we met actually. This actually leads me to my second problem.”

“Which is?” Hiccup asked.

“My friend back in Maine,” Maddie confessed. “I think she’s jealous.”

“We keep in touch you know. We chat at night,” Maddie had her hands in her hair at this point. “We've been friends since the beginning of Middle school. I’ve been telling her about life here and she’s been keeping me updated on everyone there. But recently…..” The teen frowned for a few seconds. “Recently I think she’s been blowing me off.”

“What makes you think that?” Hiccup asked as the pie was forgotten.

“She’s literally ghosting me.” Maddie stated. “For the last four nights I’ve texted her but got no reply back. I was genuinely worried about her so I texted the other people in her class but they basically told me to F off. I honestly don’t know what happened. One of the girls that is a former classmate even called me a tramp.”

“It hurts you know,” Maddie groaned. “And I don’t want to tell my parents because I know they’ll flip.”

“But you have suspicions?” Hiccup questioned.

Maddie nodded and muttered “I think she’s jealous because I told her I made a friend here and now…… now she’s starting up all kinds of rumors in my old school.”

“I just don’t know what to do right now,” the teen sighed.

“Well….. I don’t know if my advice will help but given from an outside perspective I can see several red flags.” Hiccup’s tone suddenly got serious. “First off, you’re a very pretty girl. If your crush doesn’t notice you then he’s either blind or not interested. You’d save yourself a lot of heartache if you moved on.”

“And what about my friend?” Maddie asked with a frown.

“Is she really your friend though?” Hiccup questioned. “Friends don’t ghost each other like that.”

“Well it’s not the first time that happened,” Maddie revealed. “In Middle school she’d ghost me for a week or so before coming back.”

“And this was a regular occurrence?” Hiccup frowned more now when Maddie nodded.

“Maddie, that’s not what friends do.” Hiccup stated. “If she has a habit of ghosting you then don’t you think you’re just a convenient friend for her?”

“WHAT?!” The teen’s head snapped up as she looked at Hiccup with a confused gaze.

“A convenient friend. You’re just the friend she comes back to once she’s bored of others.” Hiccup explained. “And given the hostile nature of your former classmates, maybe you making another friend stirred up something possessive in her.”

“This is a lot to take in,” Maddie muttered.

“I’m just speculating though.” Hiccup said. “With all you told me it would be the conclusion I’d come up with.” he then added “Though I do really think you should talk to your parents about this. They might overreact but that just shows how much they love you.”

Maddie nodded as she was pensive. “You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thanks Mr. H,” the teenage girl smiled genuinely. “Andrew was right. Sometimes an outside perspective can put things into place.”

“I’ll be getting out of your hair now,”

“Wait,” Hiccup said as he quickly walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a Tupperware container. “I made some Baklava. Give this to your parents for me.”

“Sure Mr. H though mom has dad on a diet.” Maddie shrugged as she waved goodbye.

“Dagur never said anything about a diet,” Hiccup mumbled more to himself in the now empty kitchen. “Though he did beg me to make that dish,”


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 12**

Hiccup yawned and stretched as he sat on his side of the bed. Astrid was still snoring soundly next to him and hogging all the blankets again. Bleary eyes turned towards the digital display of the small clock on his nightstand. It read 6:09 AM which meant time for them to get up and get things ready. School started at 8 so the kids had to be at the bus stop by 7:30 which meant they would have to wake up at 6:30.

“Astrid honey,” Hiccup shook her awake. A very tangled head of hair was sticking up at odd angles was all that peeked out from under the blankets. Hiccup rolled his eyes as it was one of those mornings. There were mornings when Astrid would wake up before him and be as chipper as a June bug and then there were these mornings when she did a great impression of a starfish and refused to move an inch.

Luckily over the years, Hiccup had perfected the art of waking his wife up. First he tugged all the blankets away from her which elicited a groan followed by her patting the mattress in her sleep, searching for them. Then Hiccup said a silent prayer to Thor and every other deity out there because the next part could potentially get him killed. So far it hadn’t and for that he was grateful. With a big heave he tilted the mattress causing Astrid to roll out of the bed and land on the floor with a thud.

“SON-OF-A-HALF-TROLL-EATING-MUNGE-BUCKET! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO WALK THE RED CARPET!” Astrid shrieked and Hiccup ducked as one of her night slippers sailed past his head.

“Honey you have that presentation today!” Hiccup quickly said, trying to placate her, as Astrid’s eyes narrowed at her husband. The other slipper was thrown but Astrid did get up, albeit begrudgingly.

Hiccup decided to make himself scarce and fled to the bathroom as Astrid started picking out one of her business suits. He needed to get ready anyway so he might as well take a bath first. Stripping out of his nightclothes and tossing them in the hamper he reached a hand into the shower to turn the nob, waiting for it to get to the right temperature. No one expected the sudden high-pitched yowl as something jumped against the shower curtain and sent it crashing down on Hiccup. Hiccup himself will to this day never admit that he screamed like a little girl but Astrid would always gleefully remind him of it. Speaking of his oh-so-beautiful wife, upon hearing the yowl and scream she actually kicked the bathroom door in while brandishing a plunger she got from Thor knows where in the room. Hiccup almost wanted to point out that the door had been unlocked.

The broken off shower curtain that had actually landed on him had a small lump that had started moving. Astrid was eyeing the lump with suspicion as Hiccup pushed back the curtain only to reveal a sopping wet and grumpy black cat with the greenest eyes.

The Haddocks didn’t own a cat so they were confused as to how the hellion got inside. Then Hiccup spotted the bathroom window that seemed to have been nudged open. “Smart cat,” Hiccup murmured and the cat in question gave a meow as if it agreed.

They were going to be late, the clock already read 6:35 AM when Hiccup staggered out of the shower. He was followed by the black cat that was now dry and surprisingly fluffy. Astrid jumped into the bath as Hiccup proceeded to wake the kids up. That was a task unto itself as Nuffink just wouldn’t let go of the pillow. Zephyr stood watching her dad with bleary eyes before she noticed the cat sitting in the hallway as if he owned the place. “KITTY!” Zephyr shouted and reached for the cat only to have the hellion dart between her legs and down the stairs.

The kids were sent to bathe and get ready and Hiccup rushed down the stairs to pack the lunches and make breakfast. That blasted cat was still in the house and actually sat on the kitchen island, watching as Hiccup went to work.

“You know you’re going to leave don’t you,” Hiccup told the cat. The response he got was the cat laying down and stretching.

There were several meows as food was being prepared. Hiccup opted to pack the kids and Astrid turkey sandwiches while making grilled cheese ones for breakfast. “No I am not feeding you,” Hiccup told the cat sternly only to be met with more insistent meows.

Hiccup groaned and gave in when breakfast for the kids was done. He rummaged through the pantry and came back with a can of sardine. “Cats like sardine right?” Hiccup mumbled more to himself as he opened the lid and placed it in front of the black cat that was watching him intensely. The cat sniffed the sardines and then meowed at Hiccup again.

“Oh come on! It’s fish! You can’t be toothless!” Hiccup grumbled. It took a few minutes after that before the black cat was digging in.

There was stomping on the stairs and he saw the kids and Astrid come down. Astrid was carrying Nuffink under her arm like a sack of potatoes while her other hand held a pair of high heels. “Hiccup have you seen my flats?” Astrid asked with a frown. “I was sure I left them on the shoe rack.”

“They’re next to the door. Remember you used them to chase after that package thief a few days ago.” Hiccup reminded her as he handed Zephyr a plate of grilled cheese and her lunch box. “Oh right,” Astrid said as she put Nuffink down who then raced to pet the kitty.

“Nuff eat or you guys will miss the bus.” Hiccup stated as he pushed a plate towards his son.

“Zephyr do you have your permission slip?” Astrid asked.

“What permission slip?” Here Hiccup frowned. His daughter groaned but dug into her backpack and handed Hiccup a very pink piece of paper.

“We’re supposed to visit the Berk museum of fine Art,” Zephyr didn’t sound at all thrilled. “They have some Civil war exhibits.”

“Well that’s good. Why aren’t you excited?” Hiccup frowned.

“Because she doesn’t like History anymore,” Nuffink spoke up between bites.

“Since when?” Astrid asked once she had downed nearly the entire pot of coffee.

“Since learning History isn’t fun anymore,” Zephyr huffs. “Our regular teacher is having a baby so we have a sub for the year. No one likes our sub.”

“And why not?” Hiccup asked and he hoped that it was for some lame reason.

“Because she’s mean,” Zephyr stated. “She threw an eraser at Ricky and even the mean girls in class don’t like her. Janet got yelled at because she was reading her history book, in history class.”

“Anything else sweetheart?” Hiccup asked now as worry started to set in his mind.

“Uhm…..” Zephyr mumbled.

“Yes,” Hiccup encouraged.

“If we don’t agree with what she said we get yelled at a lot and what she teaches us is not what’s in the books.” Zephyr stated.

Hiccup turned around and said “Astrid put the cleaver down! I’ll handle it!”

“But….”

“No buts. You have a presentation to give and a promotion to get,” He told her and then looked at the clock. “Kids, bus,”

His wife actually grumbled but she took her lunch, pecked him on the cheek and grabbed her keys. Both Zephyr and Nuffink hugged their dad and raced out of the house to walk to the corner bus stop. Hiccup belatedly noted that the black cat followed them out of the door.

Now that he was alone he picked up the phone and dialed Dagur’s number. “Hellooooo,” Came through the other end and Hiccup just had to roll his eyes.

“It’s me Hiccup. Didn’t you tell me once you used to work in the school system?” Hiccup asked over the phone. “I need some advice and I’ll make it worth your while. I got enough ingredients here to make eclairs.”

Hiccup was still on the phone with Dagur when there was knocking on his door. Hiccup opened it and saw Dagur with the house phone to his ear. He raised a brow as Dagur asked “Why hello brother! Did you say eclairs?!” Hiccup seemed to be really slow this morning because he realized that Dagur must have jumped two fences to get here so quickly. Whatever diet Mala had him on certainly made him desperate.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 13**

It was past four, nearing five o’clock, when the kids came into the house. Hiccup was in the kitchen getting dinner started, a delicious chicken puttanesca which was Astrid’s favorite.

“Dad, hide the knives, mom’s pissed,” Nuffink said casually as he walked into the kitchen and deposited his backpack on the floor with a thud. Zephyr was walking in after her brother and was carrying a bag of groceries.

“Nuff language!” Hiccup warned as he swished the wooden spoon he had been stirring with in his son’s direction.

“Well she is!” Nuffink stated. “Mom nearly killed some rude lady at the store,”

Hiccup groaned upon hearing. “Nuff pick up your backpack. You know that you can’t just drop it in the middle of the room. Someone could trip.”

“Dad you should have seen it! Mom was amazing!” Zephyr exclaimed with excitement. “She had the woman cowering while holding a zucchini!”

“She what now?!” Hiccup asked, startled just as Astrid walked into the house, carrying another grocery bag and her laptop bag that was slung over her shoulders.

“HONEY I’M HOME!” Astrid greeted happily as she walked into the kitchen. She perked up even more as she noticed what Hiccup was making.

“Hi sweetheart, love of my life, dear to my heart, my honey bunches and oats, please tell me we don’t have a lawsuit on our hands or that I need to hide the knives again,” Hiccup greeted and asked at the same time.

“It’s fine Hiccup.” Astrid laughed. “The woman was all hot air. On another note…. I GOT THE PROMOTION!!!” she announced.

“That’s great to hear honey!” Hiccup hugged her and kissed her cheek. “You didn’t roast the other guy too violently did you?”

“Nah, he got fired.” Astrid said casually as she started unpacking the groceries while the kids went upstairs to put away their stuff and freshen up. “That’s why the meeting ran so long. I got done just in time to pick the kids up from school.”

“Fired you say?” Hiccup raised a brow. “You had any hand in it?”

“I wish I did. It was actually one of the interns.” Astrid smirked as she sat down on one of the stools of the kitchen island to tell Hiccup the story. “So the pitch meeting starts and the guy is up first.” She explained. “He loads up his presentation and everything looks professional. The clients are listening intently. Then in the middle of the slideshow where the profit margin expectations are supposed to be there was a little textbox that read “ _I am an asshat and threatened others to do this work for me,_ ” Astrid was guffawing on the counter as she recounted the meeting. “Of course the idiot read it outloud before thinking and the VP was pissed. So now we’re all asked to wait outside while he tears the guy a new one. I wished the conference room wasn’t soundproofed because I'd have ordered some popcorn.”

“The guy was cleaning out his desk while I gave my pitch and when I got back to my office word on the floor was that he threatened a female intern to do the work for him or he’d make her work experience hell.” Astrid had a serious look on her face now. “Of course HR got involved then.”

“I’m glad you got the promotion but I kind of feel bad about the intern,” Hiccup said as he placed a chicken breast in the pan.

“I did too and then I offered her a permanent position at the company,” Astrid stated to which Hiccup reacted with surprise. “Honey what do you expect,” She then smirked. “You’d think I let a spitfire like that go? The presentation up until the mid-point was done very professionally so she clearly did the research. And she also wasn’t someone who would be pushed around. With my new promotion I can hire basically anyone I see fit for the company.”

“So did she accept?” Hiccup asked.

“I’ll hear back from her this week.” Astrid stated. “I think after all that’s happened, giving her a few days to process everything is a must.”

“So now what was this I heard about you and a zucchini at the supermarket?” He asked while Astrid poured herself a glass of juice.

Astrid however scoffed. “Zephyr called her a Karen. Hiccup I feel old,” his wife now whined. “I don’t even know what Karen means. Am I that out of touch with the slang of today’s youth?!”

Hiccup chuckled as Astrid started telling him what had transpired. “So after work I texted Zephyr that I would pick her and Nuff up. We needed some more groceries so I figured I’d make a quick stop at the supermarket.”

“You didn’t get into a brawl at the parking lot did you?” Hiccup asked with a raised brow.

“Nooooo,” Astrid muttered. “This was after we entered. Nuff was sitting in the cart and Zephyr was following along. I actually had most of the shopping done. All I needed still was some lady products and a visit to the cold produce section.”

Hiccup nodded as his wife continued with the story. It was getting interesting and he was engrossed in it so much that he nearly burnt the dish he was making. “So there I am. Nuffink is in the cart and Zephyr is holding onto my pant leg. I’m just minding my own business and getting some tampons and Nuff asks me what they’re for. Naturally I try to explain it so he can understand but then comes the cough.”

“The cough???” Hiccup frowned.

“The cough,” Astrid said once again. “Like when a person fake coughs to get someone’s attention. We weren’t the only ones in the aisle so I didn’t think it was for me but then came the more persistent coughing and eventually an ‘Excuse meeeeee,’ followed by a tap on my shoulder.”

“So I turn around and come face to face with this middle-aged woman who looks like she had makeup plastered on.” Astrid rolled her eyes at this point. “She then in a very condescending tone told me that I should not be exposing my son to such vile information,” Here Astrid made a hand motion that suggested the woman was quite cuckoo.

“I ended up telling her to mind her own damn business and that I will teach my son whatever the hell I want,” Astrid rolled her eyes and then remarked, “Honestly, I think I was being quite civil up to that point. I could have given her a taste of my heels.”

“So what happened next?” Hiccup asked.

“I grabbed what I came to buy and went to the produce section. Though that busybody of a woman followed me. I think she was quite offended that I blew her off.” Astrid muttered something under her breath and Hiccup didn’t think it polite to repeat it. “So there I am near the carrots when she tries to get all up in my business again. She actually threatened to call CPS on me for educating our son. So that’s when I snapped and grabbed the closest thing. Which happened to be a zucchini.”

“By the time I was done laying in on her she was backed up against the leeks and several people were clapping.” Astrid shrugged here. “I think Zeph mentioned something about going viral.”

Hiccup nodded, glad that at the least Eret didn’t have to be called to the scene again once Astrid explained that security escorted the woman out.

“So anything happened at home today?” Astrid asked as she tried to lean in closer to the stove to get a whiff.

“I talked to Dagur and got in touch with the school. They’ll look into it, they said. Made some eclairs for Dagur who also ordered some Pad Thai and we talked for a bit after he could feel his tongue again.”

“What?” Astrid asked with a raised brow.

“Right, so Dagur likes spicy things and when he was ordering he told the restaurant that his had to be extra spicy because he couldn’t even feel it last time.” Astrid nodded. “So the order comes and he takes a bit and then proceeds to turn as red as his hair before sticking his head under the sink.”

“Oh My THOR!” Astrid exclaimed before stifling a giggle.

“Yeah, so that happened. I took a peek at the check and they put under the spice level: ‘Make him regret’.” Hiccup explained.

“BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!” Astrid nearly fell off the stool from laughing so hard. She had to grab the edge of the kitchen island to steady herself.

Astrid was still laughing her ass off when the doorbell sounded. “Zeph could you get that?” Hiccup asked as he noticed her watching them on the stairs. Zephyr darted to the door and opened it only to have two cats stride inside like they owned the place. One of the cats was the black cat from that morning and with him was a pure white cat with big blue eyes. Both cats stopped at the entrance to the kitchen and meowed at Hiccup.

“Dad, I think you just got adopted by cats,” Zephyr chuckled.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 14**

It was a normal Saturday at the Haddock household. Hiccup sat in front of the TV while Zephyr was seated at the table playing Minecraft on his old laptop and Nuffink was playing with the two cats that refused to leave. The two felines had promptly made a home for themselves, bribed his kids with cuddles, gave pleading sad eyes to his wife, and demanded food from him.

Hiccup was just flicking through some channels when he heard the roar of a motorcycle outside and then a horn going off. “Astrid! She’s here!” Hiccup called towards the stairs. It was a little after noon and Astrid came down wearing a sky blue sundress. She slung her matching purse over her shoulder, gave the kids a kiss on the forehead and Hiccup one on the cheek. Today was girls day out as Astrid had dubbed it and she was going out with Mala and Dagur’s sister. It was the first time they had met Dagur’s sister but Mala had said the woman needed some girlfriend time.

Hiccup followed his wife outside as she waved at Mala and the other woman who was taking a purse out of one of her leather saddlebags. Hiccup noted that it was a two-seater Harley the woman rode and there was currently a portly blond man kissing the ground of Mala’s yard.

“You must be Astrid. I’m Heather,” The woman introduced herself and then gestured towards the man she seemed to have come with. “That’s my fiance Fishlegs.” She noticed Hiccup walking up as well and introduced herself to him also.

“Is he alright?” Hiccup asked as he looked at Fishlegs who seemed to be very happy to be on solid ground.

“He’s fine,” Heather laughed. “He always gets like this when I drive.”

“PLUM POCKET!” Dagur screamed from the house before darting out to envelop his sister in a bearhug. At the same time Astrid mouthed to Mala, who was grinning, and Hiccup who was confused, ‘Plum pocket?!’.

“I told you not to call me that!” Heather jabbed her brother in his stomach with her elbow causing the redhead to ‘oof’.

“But it’s fun calling you that!” Dagur insisted. “In fact, remember how you got that name.”

“Don’t. You. Dare!” Heather hissed.

“Well that’s our queue to load up ladies!” Mala interjected and then gestured towards her car that Heather had parked next to in the driveway. The ladies easily jumped in and soon the trio were backing up and riding away. Astrid called out from the backseat “Don’t wait up honey!”

“Did we just get ditched?” Dagur grumbled. “I wanted to embarrass my sister more!” He then looked at Hiccup and Fishlegs “So what do we do now guys?”

The women hadn’t planned on going far initially. They just drove to the local pub that happened to be owned by two insane twins. Said insane twins were currently going at it as the trio entered. “Ruffnut, Tuffnut,” Astrid greeted jovially. Mala did the same. Only Heather had to do a double take as Ruffnut was busy tying her brother to a chair with duct tape.

“I’ll be right with you!” Ruffnut shouted as the ladies found a booth near the jukebox.

“Is that normal?” Heather asked since she hadn’t been to this pub before.

“For a Saturday?” Mala grinned, “This is tame. Wait till you hear about the chicken escape.”

“The what now?!” Heather uttered just as Ruffnut sauntered up to their table with a notepad.

“What can I get you ladies?” Ruffnut asked.

“How about your Devil’s special. We’re not going to be driving for a while eitherway.” Astrid suggested but Mala sputtered.

“Astrid, that had Sven out of drinking commission for a week! I had to haul him home in the cruiser.” The woman uttered. And really, everyone knew Sven. he was a regular at the pub and a frequent drinker.

“Now I’m curious what this Devil’s special is,” Heather said which caused Mala to groan.

“I’ll just stick with a Cosmopolitan for now,” She stated.

“Right, so two devils and a cosmo,” Ruffnut jotted it down. “I’ll get you ladies some complementary muffins as well. Can’t drink on an empty stomach after all.” And that’s what Astrid loved about this pub. The twins might be insane but they made sure their clientele was looked after. Also the muffins were to die for.

“So, spill Heather. Why were you ranting two nights ago over the phone? I know I caught some of the words but it didn’t make much sense.” Mala asked pointedly. It was after all the main reason the women had decided to go on a girls day out.

“So here’s the thing. I basically need new friends now,” Heather groaned and then turned to Astrid. “So you may not know this but I own a tattoo parlor. I make decent wage to afford the studio apartment I share with Fish. But I don’t make enough to go trapezing halfway across the world for a destination wedding.”

“I don’t quite follow,” Astrid said as Ruffnut was shaking their drinks behind the bar. That woman was doing some acrobatics with the shaker that had two other patrons seated at the bar itself clapping.

“My best friend since college, Sharon,” Heather explained. “Her family is very well off and she’s getting married in the Maldives. We share a lot of the same friends, surprisingly, and of course I was invited. But I had to decline since, well my finances couldn’t cope with it. Even with Fishlegs pitching in. A destination wedding, 5 star hotel, and I still had to buy a dress.”

“I take it she didn’t take you not coming very well,” Astrid remarked which caused Heather to scoff.

“Define very well. If we are talking about her ranting to all of our friends how I’m basically boycotting her wedding by not turning up. Or that apparently I could just get a loan to cover the difference,” Here Heather made air quotes while showing them an unimpressed face. “I think she forgot that loans have to be paid back. I’m already covering the mortgage on my parlor.”

Both Mala and Astrid made a face. “Thing is, she was such a nice woman before all of this and I genuinely thought she’d understand. Well, that’s more than a decade of friendship down the drain.” The woman groaned. “I could really use a drink right now,”

“Ask and you shall receive,” Ruffnut said as she appeared at the booth with three drinks. One was a normal pink cocktail, Mala’s Cosmopolitan, while the other two were layered cocktails and were also on fire.

“Enjoy!” Ruffnut said as she lastly placed a plate of three muffins on the table before heading back behind the bar counter to do Thor-knows-what to her brother.

Heather blinked at the flaming monstrosity in front of her. Seven layers of different alcohol from which she could only identify three or four. Grenadine was at the bottom of the glass and she noted that there was also Vodka and Blue Curacao in it. Smelling it also told her that there may be more than one rum type in there.

“You two are crazy!” Mala muttered as she ate the cherry.

“In for a penny in for a pound!” Astrid said as she raised her glass. “Cheers!”

Meanwhile, back in the suburbs, the guys had decided they might as well have a guys day so Dagur had rolled out the grill and now they were BBQing in his front lawn, ignoring Mrs. Ortiz’s busybody glares. The kids had also followed and were clad in swimwear as they tried to avoid the sprinklers and have a water gun fight.

Hiccup had provided the meat while Fishlegs had taken the bike to buy a few six-packs of beer and some soda. Now the guys were sitting on lawn chairs, watching the kids play, while Dagur grilled. There were hamburger patties, sausages and corn on the cob, kebabs and even shrimp on the grill and Dagur hummed a happy tune as he lathered BBQ sauce over the steaks.

“..... And that’s how we are now cat people,” Hiccup finished explaining to the others. “Toothless and Pooki don’t look like they will be leaving anytime soon.”

“Toothless and Pooki?” Fishlegs raised his brows as he took a sip of his beer. “You named your cats Toothless and Pooki?”

“The kids did,” Hiccup shrugged. “Nuffink was very adamant about naming the white one Pooki even though Zephyr wanted to name her Artemis. They settled it with a game of rock paper scissors.”

“I bet the cats were pleased,” Fishlegs laughed.

“As long as they eat my food they stick with those names,” Hiccup huffed. This drew a snort from Dagur as well.

“Hi dad, bye dad. Bye Mr. H and uncle Fish!” Maddie said quickly as she walked out the front door and towards the sidewalk.

“Oye! Where are you going young lady?!” Dagur hollered as he pointed his spatula at her.

“Andrew and I are going to hang out at the mall. I need to buy new cleats for soccer too. Mom left me with some money. I’ll be home before six,” Maddie answered before she headed towards the bus stop.

“Oh Thor, I just realized!” Dagur exclaimed. “I sounded exactly like my father when Heather used to go out! I feel old now!”

“We all feel old.” Hiccup muttered. “I had to google some of the slang my daughter used just to keep up.”

“I hear ya,” Fishlegs stated. “My mother has been hounding me for grandchildren. Saying that our biological clock isn’t going to last forever. I really don’t have the heart to tell her that Heather and I might not even want kids.”

“To each their own,” Hiccup shrugged. “So you guys color coordinate purses as well when going out?” He then asked which earned him laughter from the other two men.

“Hell yes!” Dagur guffawed. “I try to keep Mala’s purse selection to either brown, black or gray. Anything else basically looks like it clashes with my hair. Last week she was eyeing this kiwi green handbag in the mall and all I could think about was how bad it would clash as I would be the one ultimately holding it while she tried on clothing.”

“Astrid’s handbags are mostly in a shade of blue to black. I just tell her it matches her eyes,” Hiccup revealed. “Blue is much easier to coordinate with than orange or yellow. She has this one yellow bag that I still can’t find a shirt that goes with!”

“Hmmm, Heather is mostly into black leather purses and such. I don’t think I really had to coordinate that much. Well except for that one time she brought out this gold sequin purse from Thor knows where in her closet.” Fishlegs confessed. “I was just staring at it and thinking, Oh God,”

Both Hiccup and Dagur had to laugh at Fishlegs’ horrified expression while they continued to relax.

“Hey Hiccup, Fish, you guys ever heard of yak tipping?” Dagur asked casually as he flipped a burger.

“Dagur no!” Was Hiccup’s immediate reply. Oh their ladies were going to kill them.

**AN: Last chapter coming soon.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 15**

_“Get in the trench! Get in the trench!!_ ” Astrid shouted into her headset as she leaned forward and mashed the buttons on her controller. The TV in their bedroom was awash with gunfire and mortar shells exploding as Astrid played the game with her regular online friends while Hiccup read a book on the bed. He was long used to his wife’s gaming tendencies so he had no problem concentrating on the spy novel as Astrid yelled _“How are you out of grenades?!”_

The novel was getting good too but he occasionally glanced up to the TV when Astrid let out a curse. _“Where is the new guy?”_ He heard her ask and by new guy she meant the person that had joined their regular squad because one of the ladies had to work overtime today.

Something must have obviously been said in the group voice chat as Astrid growled, _“Did he just call us girlies?! Nike is friendly fire disabled in this mode?”_

Astrid must have gotten a satisfactory answer because moments later she was repeatedly shooting an avatar that had their squad name above. “Calling us girlies,” Astrid scoffed. “Honestly we’re playing Platinum tier.”

“But did you have to shoot him in the butt….. Repeatedly?” Hiccup questioned as he put his novel down.

“He deserved it and Nike agreed. I mean she even dropped a grenade on his body when I was done,” Astrid shrugged.

“You ladies are terrifying,” Hiccup muttered and Astrid laughed as she relayed the message to the squad.

“The ladies say thank you,” Astrid turned and winked at Hiccup just as the game mode ended and their scores were displayed on screen. She bid goodbye to the gals and then turned off the game before coming over and pecking Hiccup on the cheek. “I’m gonna get ready for bed, you turning in too?”

“In a bit, the femme fatale just ended up shooting her boss in the knee.” Hiccup muttered. “I want to see how this ends.”

“Weren’t you the one who told me we need to get up early tomorrow to go shopping?” Astrid quirked a brow as she stood up and made her way towards the bathroom. Hiccup looked back at his wife who was clad in ridiculous pajamas. They were white with little cacti all over them and the words ‘Feeling Prickly’ on the back.

Astrid was humming a song under her breath as she brushed her teeth when Hiccup finished the chapter and placed a bookmark in his novel. The book and his reading glasses were deposited on his nightstand and he looked back to his wife who was swaying her hips to some none existent beat.

“Hey, you ever wonder how life would have turned out if we never met in college?” Hiccup finally asked her which got a quirk of a brow just before she gargled her mouthwash.

“Not really,” Astrid shrugged. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I'd have met you another way. What brought this on?”

“I got a Facebook invite to my Highschool reunion,” Hiccup confessed. “It’s the reason Snot’s coming to town this week.”

“You going?” Astrid asked as she climbed in bed.

“Don’t know, probably not,” Hiccup shrugged as he felt his wife snuggle close. “I mean why would I go to a reunion of people that made my life hell in Highschool?”

“True, but isn’t the reason your cousin is going is to lord it over them of how successful he is.” Astrid quirked a brow. “Don’t you want to see how everyone turned out?”

“That is if I remember everyone,” Hiccup shrugged. “Truth is I forgot about 90 percent of the people I went to school with. Snotlout and I had very different experiences in High School and from the 10 percent I do remember there is only one person I want to reconnect with.”

“True, true,” Astrid agreed. “I mean I went to my 10 year High School anniversary and it was a let down really. I can’t believe I flew all the way to Virginia for…. That.” Astrid confessed. “The popular kids reliving their once-held glory. The Goths conforming to society and becoming office workers. The nerds making it big in the corporate world,” Astrid shrugged. “I mean I was no different. I was nearly Valedictorian, voted one of the most likely persons to succeed. I went to college, got a job, worked my butt off for promotions, same as everyone else really. More than half the people that were invited from our graduating class didn’t show up and I probably shouldn’t have either. The event was a let down.”

Astrid was playing with one of the buttons on his nightshirt when she asked “So who is this person you really want to reconnect with? You don’t talk about your Highschool years a lot,”

“Oh it was my Senior Prom date,” Hiccup confessed. “You know she’s the one who urged me to apply to the college where I met you,” He then laughed as he spotted Astrid’s jealous look. “Don’t worry honey, you’re the only one for me. Besides she was never interested in me like that.”

“Now I want to hear the story in detail,” Astrid said as she was half leaning on her husband. “Is this why you asked me what would have happened if we never met?” Hiccup nodded and Astrid swatted his chest while saying “Spill mister,”

“Right, so we were all in our Senior year at this point.” Hiccup started to explain. “Snotlout was a total jock but according to the councillor his future prospects were grim. By senior year his grades had taken a nosedive due to the pressure from school and football and if he didn’t pull his act together he’d not graduate,”

“But your cousin is an investment banker now in New York, a very successful one at that. I mean, clearly he pulled himself together.” Astrid said.

“He did but it wasn’t without some backlash.” Hiccup stated. “Snotlout ended up quitting the football team mid-season to focus on his studies and I was tutoring him. We weren’t that close in High School but he seemed determined to graduate. Of course that meant that most of the student body's ire also was directed at me.” Hiccup shrugged. “I don’t know what they were thinking but rumor got around that I had a hand in convincing Snot to quit the team and lose them their star player for the rest of the season. Suffice to say his replacement wasn’t up to par and they ended up losing the rest of the matches.”

“So what happened next?” Astrid asked with curiosity.

“It was mostly the jocks and cheerleaders who gave me trouble. Not all of them mind you,” He added. “There were a couple who looked the other way or actively went out of their way to stop the harassment. One of them was Atali who would later be my Prom date. She was dating one of the linebackers and every time they shoved me against a locker she’d be there chastising them. It didn’t earn her any favor with the other cheerleaders but she genuinely did look sorry that they treated me that way.”

“Then something happened a few months before Prom.” Hiccup explained. “There was this big party at the lake. You know with teens getting drunk and all that. Atali and the others were there, drinking beer and what not. I can’t say she wasn’t a party girl back then but she still had a head on her shoulders while drunk. When the party dwindled down and everyone went home she initially refused to jump into the car with her clearly drunk boyfriend. Those that were left chided her and called her a wuss and worrywart. I guess peer pressure caused her to get into that car. It wasn’t a good night. Next morning I heard that they got into an accident on the road. The linebacker drove the car into an electrical pole. He was fine but Atali ended up in the hospital with her legs paralyzed.”

“When she finally could come back to school she found out who her real friends were. Her boyfriend had another girl by then, I later learned he never even visited her at the hospital. The cheerleaders had replaced her and she really had nowhere to fit in.” Hiccup had that sad look in his eye. “I will admit that it was pity that caused me to sit with her at lunch and she chewed me out for it. Pity turned into respect as I saw her struggle to do everyday tasks and get back into a routine. When Prom rolled around I asked her to go with me. Mind you she made it clear early on that she wasn’t attracted to me,” He told his wife. “We went as friends and had a great time. At the end of the night we were talking about our futures. She urged me to apply to the college where I met you and I told her being in a wheelchair shouldn’t stop someone from attending veterinary school.”

“I owe this woman a casket of wine,” Astrid muttered as she listened to Hiccup’s story.

“Graduation happened and we lost touch,” Her husband confessed.

“So you still think you shouldn’t go to that reunion?” Astrid asked.

“I don’t know,” Hiccup shrugged. “Besides we have other things to worry about in the near future. Like our Halloween shopping tomorrow.”

“Don’t remind me,” Astrid groaned. “Finding costumes for the kids is a nightmare. Zephyr wants to be a shark princess while Nuffink said he wanted to be a carrot! Then they end up changing their minds while we are at the store.”

“Well we could always go with my suggestion and get family themed costumes,” Hiccup mumbled as he was getting sleepy.

“Hiccup, we are not dressing up as the Addams family,” Astrid mumbled.

“Why not?” her husband questioned. “You already have the axe,”

“And Snotlout could totally be uncle Fester.” Hiccup joked while Astrid rolled her eyes.

“I don’t think Snot would take kindly to you implying he’s going bald,” She swatted her husband’s chest again playfully. “Also since we are stocking up on decorations there is this store I want to visit. They stock Christmas decorations early.”

“Astrid no, for Thor’s sake NO!” Hiccup groaned. “We are not getting Christmas decorations in October!”

“But we’d get the best ones early!” She reasoned.

“Just no!” Hiccup groaned. “This feud between you and Mrs. Ortiz has got to stop. You two go crazy during the holidays!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault she mocked my Frosty the Snowman!” Astrid muttered.

“That didn’t mean you had to turn our yard into a Las Vegas version of the North Pole. Last year you two caused a power outage for the whole neighbourhood with the amount of lights you had going! Two years ago you short circuited Santa!” Hiccup groaned as his wife pouted.

“Fiiiiineeee,” Astrid grumbled as she snuggled against Hiccup as he turned out the lights. “I’ll buy Christmas decorations in November,”

“That works,” Hiccup yawned.

Things were quiet for a moment and Hiccup was dozing off when Astrid asked “You think Snotlout would agree to a cousin IT costume?”

**The End**

**AN: I decided to go for a sweet ending to this story between Astrid and Hiccup. Obviously there will be more happening in suburbia but I will leave that up to the readers' imagination along with Snotlout dressed as cousin IT.**


End file.
